Take T.I.M.E. For Love

How much time does it take to stay in love for a lifetime? In our book, Red Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle, we explain the minimum time commitment we have seen necessary to maintain the connectedness needed for a healthy, strong, and intimate Marriage.

 

This month, make some T.I.M.E. for love:

 

Ten to twenty minutes to talk together alone every day. It is amazing how just making time to talk about things more important than who is going to pick up the milk will reconnect and rekindle your hearts. This is the reason we place a couple of communication questions in all the books we author.

 

We first learned the skill and importance of dialoguing when we, as newlyweds, went to a United Christian Marriage Encounter. We saw the intense power of connection after we had each written a simple love letter on a topic, and then read the letter aloud to one another. The process is simple, but the results are profound. Many of the most happily married couples we know, those with a spark in their eyes even after 30, 40, or 50 years together, have found the magic in the small things: a cup of coffee and conversation in the morning or a walk around the block in the evening.

 

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6

 

Invest in a weekly date night (or date breakfast or lunch) together for at least 4 hours (it takes a couple of hours to emotionally reconnect).

 

We believe in the weekly date time so much that we actually schedule two of these a week because sometimes, no, many times—life interrupts the best-laid plans, so having twice as much time as we feel we need each week for a date ensures that even on the busiest weeks we get at least the minimum. We aim at one evening with the goal of romance and the other date is a Marriage Meet Up.

 

We also believe in scheduling sex, which gives you something to look forward to on the most hectic of weeks! One happily married pastoral couple chose Wednesday after evening service. Often, she will call him at work and whisper to him, “It’s Wednesday!” His whole day seems better after that call!

 

A weekly date doesn’t have to cost much either. In Red Hot Monogamy we give over 200 red-hot romantic ideas and many of them you can pull off for pennies.

 

Here are a few:

“Place me like a seal over your heart . . . for love is as strong as death, . . . It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” Song of Songs 8:6-7

 

Make a monthly day away policy. At least once a month, spend 8-12 uninterrupted hours together. This can be anything you both enjoy. To maximize this, make sure you schedule a few moments of privacy in case you want to fan the flame on your love and have a little red-hot monogamy sometime during this 10–12-hour block of time. Sometimes parents of young children find it difficult to find overnight childcare, but if you will at least commit to leaving when the kids are asleep, and returning when they are already put to bed, you can turn your own home into a B and B and make it seem like you “got away.” By finding a new sport or hobby you both enjoy, you can create some common bonds too.

 

“My beloved spoke and said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me…’” Song of Songs 2:10

 

Escape quarterly (or at least bi-annually) away for a 48-hour weekend. Nothing is as nice as unplugging from life to stir the embers of love. If you can’t go to another location, create a mini escape by sprucing up your bedroom, locking your door, and asking and answering a few questions that will fan the flame of love:

“I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.” Song of Songs 7:10