A few years ago, I was honored to speak at a Blue Christmas service—a gathering for those carrying grief during the holidays. The church expected a large turnout, and sure enough, both services were filled. Serving a congregation navigating pain and loss amidst the beauty and joy of Christmas was deeply moving. I witnessed the profound mix of sorrow and celebration, expectation and absence, laughter and tears.

For many, the holidays amplify aching hearts—Christmas cards with smiling faces arrive, parties and family events continue, while grief quietly lingers.

How does someone who is grieving occupy such a conflicted space? Here are 10 practical and compassionate guidelines to help you navigate the holiday season:

1. Give Yourself Permission for Solitude and Prayer

Take time for yourself to pray, reflect, and rest emotionally. It’s okay to decline invitations or slow down. A Blue Christmas service, or similar gatherings, can be healing—even if difficult feelings arise.

2. Adapt Traditions to Honor Your Loved One

Remembrance can be part of your holiday fabric. Prepare their favorite dish, play music they loved, visit places meaningful to them, or choose an ornament that represents their memory.

3. Hold Grief and Joy Together

It’s okay to remember and celebrate the times of laughter, joy, and warmth your loved one brought into your life. Holding grief in one hand and gratitude or joy in the other honors the complexity of relationships. Often, the depth of our sadness reflects how deeply we loved and were loved.

4. Be Kind to Yourself Emotionally

Accept that pain will likely surface. Allow yourself to feel sorrow and loss; avoiding emotions often prolongs grief. Treat yourself with tenderness and patience.

5. Stay Connected to Your Community

Pain tempts us to isolate. Meaningful connection—with friends, family, or church—offers support and reminds us we are not alone, even when time for quiet reflection is important.

6. Be Aware of Depression

Grief and depression can look similar, but depression brings lasting feelings of worthlessness and despair, while grief usually allows space for hope and meaning. If you notice your grief becoming overwhelming or impacting your sense of self, seek out trusted support to gain the clarity that open conversation about loss can bring.

7. Spend Time in Creation

Let God’s creation be a sanctuary. Walk slowly in nature, notice beauty, and reflect on Jesus’ birth—the arrival of comfort for all who suffer.

8. Seek Support When Needed

If the season feels overwhelming, reach out. Pastors and Christian therapists understand grief’s weight and can walk alongside you in wisdom and care.

9. Recall God’s Nearness and Empathy

Scripture reassures us that God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18), and that Jesus was acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). God understands the messy, painful journey of grief and longs to be a source of grace and peace—even in our darkest moments.

10. Turn Outward in Compassion

Serving others brings hope and meaning, especially when pain feels isolating. Consider those around you who may be hurting and offer comfort—a simple act of kindness often mends both hearts.

May God bless you and keep you this holiday season and beyond.