Should I Actually Ask My Husband to Pray With Me?
“Why won’t my husband pray with me? Why doesn’t he initiate and lead in this area? Why do I feel like it is always up to me? Why is he afraid to pray with me except at the dinner table?”
These are questions I hear often from women I meet with. They long to be prayed with and to have their husband initiate it, as it impacts them in a way where they feel protected, cared for and valued. Those are good, legitimate desires. Absolutely!
However, I am here to tell you very bluntly that Satan is aiming to take out your husband first and foremost. If he can weaken your husband, the head of the home, in this area of spiritual intimacy, he has a greater chance of taking out the rest of the family. Based on this thought alone, why would we as wives not jump in and do whatever we could to prevent that?
Let us start from where it all began! Since the beginning God intended for man to lead and to love their wives. Since the fall however, God’s plan has been reversed by sin of man. Satan knows that if a husband and wife pray together there is a smaller chance of getting divorced and dividing God’s plan for a marriage. Satan does not want that so he will do whatever he can to thwart God’s ultimate purpose.
But guess what? Satan does not want you to know that. He wants to keep you blinded, ignorant and unaware of this vital foundation in your marriage.
Here is the reality and where it starts with you! There is no faith without prayer. Praying is ultimately showing our need and dependence on the Lord. Let me ask you, “Do you really know your heart before the Lord? Do you come to Him exactly where you are at or where you pretend to be? Do you know the depth of your need of forgiveness and help from Him?” Start by being more aware of where you are at spiritually and ask God to make you even more aware of your own sin, your demands, your hurts, and your deepest longings. God is waiting for you!
Not knowing where each of your husbands are at spiritually, let me approach this initially from a general perspective. We can go lots of places from here! First of all, let me give you total permission to ask your husband to pray with you. Yes! That is totally ok! God has given us a responsibility and a privilege to be a helpmeet to our husbands. The majority of husbands have great fears and other hindering issues revolved around praying, especially out loud, with their wife. Ok, let’s be real……it is what it is. No where in scripture does it say you must “wait for your husband to pray with you.” Let us reverse the curse ladies! You cannot underestimate the power of asking your husband to pray with you or for you. It is planting a seed that the Lord can use in a mighty way. Remember, it starts with you coming before the Lord on your own. He will give you the strength to have the confidence to approach your husband. We can become like Paul, who prayed big prayers because he truly believed great things. Let us follow his example. In Colossians 4:2, it said he prayed and then he was “watchful in it with thanksgiving.” Paul was humble, bold, and compassionate. That can be you, I promise!
Knowing the importance of prayer and how it has the power to stop Satan in his tracks, there are a couple ways to learn how praying for your husband can move mountains and let him know you are with him and for him. Begin praying and asking the Lord to show you how to love your husband well. That means you have to sit quietly before the Lord and discipline yourself to just listen to Him. To be honest, I did not like that initially. I had “too much” to do to sit and be quiet and listen. It takes focus to really hear the Lord and what the Holy Spirit wants to do within you. Trust me! If I can learn to listen, you can too!
Here is the next loving, privileged thing to do. As your husband is going out the door, ask him casually if there’s anything specifically you can be praying about for him. You just may be surprised with his answer. Be sure to set a timer on your phone to remind you to ask him. Then when he gets home you ask him specifically about it. This sounds simple but for most women I have talked with, it can be terrifying. That is understandable. All I can say for now is to “do it afraid.” God knows your heart and He will smile with you when are being obedient and loving your husband well, regardless of how he may respond. I am with you too!
Memorize Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” This will help you to persevere. We have watched countless marriages turned around by the courage of a wife who has not grown weary but decided to take on the responsibility and the privilege to pray over and with her husband regardless of where his walk is with the Lord. It was her seeking the Lord with all her heart, soul and mind and her refusal to wait for him to lead that actually paved the way for a deeper understanding and movement towards the powerhouse in a marriage. PRAYER! I believe you can and I am praying for mighty things to happen!
Jill and her husband founded MJ Marriage Ministry in 2017, a ministry that offers marriage conferences, counseling to married couples and those preparing for marriage. She worked as a Victim Impact Specialist for Juvenile Probation, facilitating Victim Offender Mediations as well as being an advocate for victims of domestic violence. She also is a Supervised Visitation Provider through the court system and does that on a case by case basis, as needed.
Jill enjoys helping Mike on their small farm where they raise show pigs for 4-H kids in the community. It is a special ministry in and of itself. They also grow pumpkins and offer field trips to schools and other groups. Jill keeps busy with farm life, spending time with grandchildren and always looking for ways to put Jesus on display.
Mike and Jill both have attended Larry Crabb’s School of Spiritual Direction to better understand and experience how the Holy Spirit works deep in one’s soul to spiritually transform them. They have had training in both biblical counseling through ACBC and through RW360, Relational Wisdom and Peacemaking.