Take T.I.M.E. For Love

Pam Farrel - April 18, 2024

Topic: Love, Marriage, Relationships, Romance

How much time does it take to stay in love for a lifetime? In our book, Red Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle, we explain the minimum time commitment we have seen necessary to maintain the connectedness needed for a healthy, strong, and intimate Marriage.

This month, make some T.I.M.E. for love:

Ten to twenty minutes to talk together alone every day. It is amazing how just making time to talk about things more important than who is going to pick up the milk will reconnect and rekindle your hearts. This is the reason we place a couple of communication questions in all the books we author.

We first learned the skill and importance of dialoguing when we, as newlyweds, went to a United Christian Marriage Encounter. We saw the intense power of connection after we had each written a simple love letter on a topic, and then read the letter aloud to one another. The process is simple, but the results are profound. Many of the most happily married couples we know, those with a spark in their eyes even after 30, 40, or 50 years together, have found the magic in the small things: a cup of coffee and conversation in the morning or a walk around the block in the evening.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6

Invest in a weekly date night (or date breakfast or lunch) together for at least 4 hours (it takes a couple of hours to emotionally reconnect).

We believe in the weekly date time so much that we actually schedule two of these a week because sometimes, no, many times—life interrupts the best-laid plans, so having twice as much time as we feel we need each week for a date ensures that even on the busiest weeks we get at least the minimum. We aim at one evening with the goal of romance and the other date is a Marriage Meet Up.

We also believe in scheduling sex, which gives you something to look forward to on the most hectic of weeks! One happily married pastoral couple chose Wednesday after evening service. Often, she will call him at work and whisper to him, “It’s Wednesday!” His whole day seems better after that call!

A weekly date doesn’t have to cost much either. In Red Hot Monogamy we give over 200 red-hot romantic ideas and many of them you can pull off for pennies.

Here are a few:

If you hear “your song” on the radio, simply call his/her cell phone, hold your phone up to the speaker, and let the song do the romancing.
Create a photo postcard of the two of you and on the backside write a thank you for that special memory and an invitation out to another romantic activity.
Re-create your first date. If you can still fit, wear the same clothes. If not, at least go to the same places.
Check a book out of the library or buy a book of love poems. Sit in front of the fireplace in each other’s arms and take turns reading poems to each other. Or write one yourself and read it aloud.
Create a series of thank-you notes. Send one a day for as many days as you can think of things to thank your mate for. One line on each card day after day will make a bigger impact.
Each of you take a blank set of Post-It™ notes (choose your own color) and write seductive, sensual things on each page. Then exchange the notes randomly.
Place them on the bathroom mirror, on the rear-view mirror in the car, on his golf clubs, in her briefcase, inside his shoe, etc. Try to find the most outrageous spot to place the love note.
Use everyday items to send a unique set of messages. For example, use the title of a candy bar with a note that says, “You are a 'Big Hunk'” ™ or a note on a box of cereal reading, “You are my 'Life'‟ ™.
Write your own “feature” article about your spouse who was just named, “World’s Greatest Lover”. Include all their best traits as a lover, add a picture of your famous lover, and frame it!
Have dinner someplace different in your home: in front of the fireplace, on the rooftop, on the patio or balcony, in the attic, under the tree in the backyard, etc.
Use inexpensive dime store Valentines to create a trail of clues that lead to a romantic destination. You can also make this into a car rally by taping the Valentines around town, around the mall, or leave taped to your friend’s front doors.

“Place me like a seal over your heart . . . for love is as strong as death, . . . It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” Song of Songs 8:6-7

Make a monthly day away policy. At least once a month, spend 8-12 uninterrupted hours together. This can be anything you both enjoy. To maximize this, make sure you schedule a few moments of privacy in case you want to fan the flame on your love and have a little red-hot monogamy sometime during this 10–12-hour block of time. Sometimes parents of young children find it difficult to find overnight childcare, but if you will at least commit to leaving when the kids are asleep, and returning when they are already put to bed, you can turn your own home into a B and B and make it seem like you “got away.” By finding a new sport or hobby you both enjoy, you can create some common bonds too.

“My beloved spoke and said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me…’” Song of Songs 2:10

Escape quarterly (or at least bi-annually) away for a 48-hour weekend. Nothing is as nice as unplugging from life to stir the embers of love. If you can’t go to another location, create a mini escape by sprucing up your bedroom, locking your door, and asking and answering a few questions that will fan the flame of love:

What is your favorite place I touch you?
What lighting sets the mood for you?
What sounds and aromas set your heart ablaze?
What words do you love me to whisper in your ear?
What sights make your heart dance? A view? A sunset? The majestic? Quaint and
cozy? Great art? Unique and eclectic?
What is one simple change you would like to make in our bedroom to set the mood?

“I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.” Song of Songs 7:10

Enjoy your T.I.M.E.!

Pam Farrel

Pam and Bill Farrel are relationship specialists, the authors of 60 books, including bestselling Men Are Like Waffles, and Women Are Like Spaghetti (co-authored with her husband, Bill). Pam is also co-author of the award-winning Discovering the Bible series, including Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience. These resources and the new Renewing Hope Journal, are all available at www.Love-Wise.com