Ask the Expert: We can’t agree about our teen dating.

Dear CMR:
 
How do you come to an agreement on your teenager's dating when you and your spouse grew up so differently?

Nothing can start a conflict between parents quicker than when the issue is teens and dating - especially when you’re coming at it from two different perspectives. So, how do Mom and Dad get on the same page? Try these four steps:

1.    Pause and Pray Before You Proceed:

Before you even begin the conversation with your spouse, pause together and ask God to give both of you generous amounts of wisdom (James 1:5). Ask God for unity in your ultimate goals and decisions regarding your teenager. Remember: You are a team. Approaching it with that mindset will set the tone of the rest of the conversation.

2.      Listen to understand your spouse’s perspective without judgment.  

Ask them to share their hopes and fears about your teenager’s dating. What are they scared of or worried about? How is that fueling their perspective? Is there anything in their past experience or a book they’ve read that has shaped their perspective? Really listen to understand by putting yourself in their shoes to see it how they see it and how they’re feeling it. Validate the fact that they have a right to their perspective (whether you agree or not).

Once your spouse feels heard and understood, switch and you take a turn to share your perspective and answer the previous questions.

3.      Brainstorm and Implement:

Once you both feel heard and understood, brainstorm some possible solutions and put them in place with your teen for a specific period of time to see how it goes. At the end of that set time, say a month or two, come back together with your teen and evaluate how it went. Make any necessary tweaks or adjustments.
 
4.    Order the The Art of Parenting video series from FamilyLife and go through it as a couple or maybe as a small group with other parents of teens.