It’s been a year since I graduated college, and one of the biggest surprises I’ve faced post-grad is how much friendships change. No one really warns you about that part. In college, friendships are baked into your daily routine—roommates, shared classes, spontaneous coffee runs, eating every meal together, late-night conversations that somehow always felt sacred.

Now, everything looks different. We’re scattered in different cities. We’re working full-time jobs. We don’t see each other every day or even every week. And at first, that shift really hurt. I found myself wondering: Am I a bad friend? Are we drifting? Did something go wrong?

But one thing has helped me navigate this season with grace: accepting that change is part of life—and that change isn’t bad.

Just because the way your friendship functions is different doesn’t mean it’s broken or less meaningful. Different doesn't mean distant. Different doesn’t mean disconnected. It just means you’re growing—and your friendship has to grow with you.

So how do we actually maintain meaningful, Christ-centered friendships in the midst of all this change? How do we stay rooted in community when life gets busy, priorities shift, and the built-in routines of college are gone?

Here are a few things I’ve been learning:

1. Be Okay With Change

This might be the hardest part—but it’s also the most freeing.

In college, friendship was convenient. Now, it’s intentional. That transition can feel jarring, especially if you’re someone who thrives off connection. But change isn’t the enemy. It’s part of what makes friendship beautiful—learning to adapt and grow together.

Let go of the expectation that your friendship has to look the same as it did before. You’re no longer living in the same dorm, taking the same classes, or grabbing lunch at the same time. And that’s okay. You’re not a bad friend because your routines have changed. You’re just in a new season.

And seasons shift—but love remains.

2. Use the In-Between Moments

One of the most practical ways I stay in touch with friends is by using the “in-between” parts of my day. For me, that’s my commute home from work. It’s a time I don’t usually have anything else going on, and it’s perfect for a catch-up call.

Don’t wait for a perfect moment to check in. Use the real-life, imperfect moments you already have—your morning walk, a grocery store run, folding laundry, or driving between errands.

The key isn’t the amount of time; it’s the intentionality behind it.

3. Go Deeper, Even in Short Conversations

When time is limited, don’t stay surface-level. Be real. Ask good questions. Let them into your world—and ask to be let into theirs.

One of my favorite ways to check in with my friends comes from my friend Grace. She always asks, “How are your tanks?”

• How’s your emotional tank?

• How’s your spiritual tank?

• How’s your physical tank?

• How’s your social tank?
  

That simple question invites honesty, and it helps me pause and reflect. It’s a way of saying, I care about every part of you. And that kind of friendship is so worth nurturing.

4. Put It on the Calendar

When you’re in different cities or even different stages of life, it’s important to plan ahead. If you wait for something to magically fall into place, it probably won’t.

Schedule the next time you’ll see each other. Book the trip. Set the date. Even if it’s six months away, having something on the calendar gives you both something to look forward to—and keeps your friendship prioritized.

My goal? At least one group reunion a year. Even if it’s just for a weekend. The effort is always worth it.

5. Pray for Them, Specifically

One of the most powerful ways to stay connected is through prayer.

Ask your friends how you can be praying for them—and then actually pray. Write their names down. Keep a running list in your journal or phone. And check in on those things later: How’s that thing we prayed about going?

Prayer deepens spiritual intimacy, even when you’re far apart. It reminds us that we’re not just walking through life with each other—we’re bringing one another before God’s throne of grace.

James 5:16 says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” And I’ve found that prayer is often what keeps my friendships rooted when everything else feels like it’s shifting.

6. Stop Comparing Your Journeys

Comparison is one of the quickest ways to put distance in a friendship.

Some friends are married. Some are dating. Some are in grad school, working dream jobs, or still figuring things out. It can be tempting to look at their journey and feel behind, or even to pull away when your lives look so different.

But Psalm 139:16 reminds us that God has written every single day of our lives in His book before any of them came to be. He sees your path. He sees your timing. And He’s in control of both.

Celebrate your friends in whatever season they’re in. A good friend shows up with joy in their wins, not envy. Don’t let comparison steal the joy God is trying to give you through community.

7. Keep Choosing to Show Up

You might not be able to spend hours together like you used to. But that doesn’t mean connection is impossible. Choose to show up in small ways.

Send a text. Leave a voice memo. Share a song. Ask how they’re doing—really doing. Mail them a card just because. Even 5 minutes of intentional check-in can go a long way.

Life gets busy, I get it. But community is vital. God designed us for it. And it’s worth the effort.

I’m not perfect at this. I’m still learning how to be a good friend in this new season. But I’m committed to trying. And if you’re in this season too—navigating change, grieving what was, wondering what friendship is supposed to look like now—I hope this encourages you:

You’re not alone. You’re not behind. And your friendships can grow, even here.

Just keep showing up, being honest, choosing celebration over comparison, and bringing your people to Jesus. That’s where deep friendship lives.