In this episode, Rachel Pestana and Tatum Munivez share what they wish they had known before starting college. Drawing from their own experiences as recent graduates, they offer practical encouragement for navigating one of life's biggest transitions. From building meaningful friendships and navigating dating to handling homesickness, connecting with professors, choosing a major, and growing into adulthood, they provide honest advice to help students approach college with confidence and grace. Whether you're preparing to leave home, figuring out friendships, dating, academics, or your future career, this episode is packed with practical wisdom to help you thrive during your college years.

Resources Mentioned:

• Free Relationship Advice Appointments – Receive confidential, biblical, and practical relationship guidance from the Center for Marriage and Relationships. Available in person or virtually. https://cmr.biola.edu/resources/relationship-advice
• Center for Marriage and Relationships Resources – Browse podcasts, blogs, articles, and relationship resources for every stage of life. https://cmr.biola.edu/

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• Website: cmr.biola.edu
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About the Hosts:
Chris Grace, Ph.D., and Alisa Grace are passionate about helping people build and sustain healthy relationships. As leaders of the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships, they combine the wisdom of Scripture with scholarly research to offer practical advice and insights. Learn more about their work at cmr.biola.edu.

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Rachel: 00:00
Starting college is exciting, overwhelming, and sometimes a little scary. Whether you're moving into the dorms, leaving home for the first time, wondering how to make friends, or already feeling the pressure to figure out your major, your future, and maybe even your spouse, you're not alone. In this episode, Rachel and Tatum share the things they wish someone had told them before they started college. From friendships and dating to homesickness professors and finding your place on campus, this conversation is filled with practical advice, personal stories, and encouragement for navigating one of the biggest transitions of your life. If you're an incoming college student or you know someone who is, this is the episode for you.

Mandy: 00:40
Welcome to the Art of Relationships. This podcast is produced by the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships. Let's get right into it.

Tatum: 00:50
Well, welcome to another episode of the Art of Relationships Podcast. Rachel and Tatum, us, we're back. We're back by popular demand. By popular demand, we have been requested to chat with you guys again. We're so excited to be here. Yep. And today we are going to be talking all about what we wish we knew in college. We're both recent grads, so it's fresh on the mind, and we have a lot of thoughts on what we wish we knew when we were high school seniors. Um, so if you're a high school senior who just graduated and are heading to college, we're happy you're here.

Rachel: 01:26
Yeah.

Tatum: 01:27
We are gonna be covering the topics of friendships in college, dating in college, what it looks like to live away from home, and also the academic side with professors, school, and balancing all the things in between.

Rachel: 01:41
So much to think about, and we're so excited for you guys, and we're excited to give you some tips on how to navigate college life. Yeah.

Tatum: 01:48
So, Rachel, when you think about friendships in college, what would be a piece of advice you might give to someone starting off?

Rachel: 01:57
I remember when I first started college, someone told me that the people you meet within the first week, even the first month, will probably not be the people you stick with throughout college. And I think they were right, you guys. Most people that I talk to would agree with that. Yeah, I would. As you're entering into college, you're gonna meet a lot of really cool people. You're gonna get plugged in. Um, but consistent friendships take time to build. And lots of times as you're navigating college, the people you first meet are gonna aren't gonna end up being the friends that you stick with for all four years, and that's totally normal and totally okay.

Tatum: 02:32
Yeah, I remember, I don't know if they still use this, but did you use Zme? Yeah, the app. Shout out to the app. There was this app, if it's not still around, I don't know what to tell you, but it's kind of like t not Twitter, it's like Facebook groups, yeah, kind of, but on this one app for meeting people going to your school. Um, and there's like group chats and all of the things, and you meet hundreds of people on there, follow them on Instagram, Snapchat, whatever. Literally, so many people. And you're just so overwhelmed. Those people, great to meet. I did not meet a single one of my best friends post-college on there. Just gonna say that. Or, like, you'll get invited to beach parties or events or whatever it is, hangouts, you're gonna meet a lot of people there too, and you'll think these people are amazing, and they probably are, but the reality is you probably won't stay friends with those people because you're still learning who you are, who you want your friends to be, and just because they're great people doesn't mean they necessarily align as friends. Um, but I feel like since everyone's coming into college and like it's a new stage of life, they're like almost grasping for friends. Everybody wants friends immediately, and they don't want to be left alone or lonely or miss out on the friend groups already forming. And so oftentimes, I mean, I definitely did this, I just went for the first friend group that I saw. And I felt like I had to be immediately part of it in order to have friends in college. Um, and we just want to encourage you guys, like that, those probably aren't your people. Who knows? Maybe they are, but most of the time they aren't. So don't put pressure on yourselves to find your friend group immediately because friendships and friend groups are gonna evolve over time.

Rachel: 04:24
100%. And it's totally okay to stay connected with the people you met the first week, first month of college, but don't feel like you have to stick with them forever. Yeah. It's very normal to not stick with them forever.

Tatum: 04:35
Yeah, I think you'll soon realize after a month or two, okay, maybe those aren't my people, and you'll find other ways to meet people. Um, so what would be your advice to find your people in college then?

Rachel: 04:47
What a what a great question. I do think it takes time to find your people. Yeah. And a lot most healthy relationships are built over time. So you're not gonna meet someone and immediately be like, oh, this is this is my person, this is my friendship. Um, it takes shared experiences, it takes having things in common. So honestly, I would say go do things you enjoy and meet people who also enjoy those things because having something in common will definitely help that relationship a lot.

Tatum: 05:14
Yeah, there's so many things at college, like clubs, events on your floor, yeah, I don't know, macra. Yeah. If you don't know what that is, it's a lip-sync dance battle here at Biola. Tatum was pretty good at it. It was pretty good. And you were pretty good too.

Rachel: 05:30
Or SMU. Right. SMU is Biola's Student Missionary Union. We're actually the largest student-led missionary union in the United States. So shout out to them. I was involved with them all four years, and that was a huge way I was able to make connections, make friends, fight community. So definitely recommend just getting involved in something that you love and something that you enjoy, and the community can come from that.

Tatum: 05:53
Yeah, that's so good. And I feel like one piece of advice that I was given when I was moving in is to keep your dorm uh door, your dorm door open. Um, not all the time, but a lot of the time keep it open because there's gonna be like 50 girls probably on your floor walking to and from the bathroom. And if you want to get to know people on your floor, that's a great way to show, like, hey, I'm open, I'm here to talk, I want to meet people, poke your head out, poke your head into other people's rooms if their door is also open. And I actually made some of my best friends that way, which is so random and fun. But if you keep your door closed all the time and kind of like introvert, you probably won't meet as many people. And so that was one super practical piece of advice that I was given, and I'm so glad I did that because I met some of my best friends.

Rachel: 06:45
I love that, and I remember you having a really cool story about making waffles for your.

Tatum: 06:50
Oh my goodness, you're so right. So I think it was one of the first few months um, and the first year I was allowed to move into the dorms, and I had brought the mini waffle makers, I don't know, maybe from Walmart or Amazon. It's single serve waffle maker. And I decided it would be so fun if I had a little waffle party in my dorm. So I got paper plates, plastic forks, and a ton of waffle mix. Oh, I got in the pumpkin waffle mix from Trader Joe's. So I guess it was October-ish time, and I just sent out a text to our uh floor group message and said, if anyone wants waffles, I'm making some. So I just kept making them on my little tiny single serve waffle maker. And a bunch of people who I hadn't met yet came over for waffles, and we just sat on the floor and chatted and had waffles. And so, like something so simple and easy, you can do little things like that on a Saturday morning to get to know new people, and it was one of my favorite memories from that year, so that was super sweet. I love that, and what a great way to bring people together on your floor.

Rachel: 07:58
Yeah, so fun fostering that community.

Tatum: 08:01
What do you think about friendships that you have maybe during childhood or high school? Um, where do those friendships stand when you leave high school?

Rachel: 08:13
Yeah, I think that's such an important topic for us to address in this because coming to college is such a big transition. It's a huge change. Right. You might be moving away from friends, even to a different state. Um, and I think a lot of people are anxious about okay, well, what will that look like with my friends who you maybe spent four years of high school with, and now you're having to um continue to keep up those friendships and maintain them, and also you're managing college life. And your new friends, too. Right, your new friendship things. And so I think a lot of people do have questions about that transition. Here at the CMR, we have free relationship advice appointments, and we do have a lot of freshmen come in asking about, hey, I feel weird about my high school friendships, I don't know how to maintain them. Um, so I think what I'd love to say about that is that those friendships are going to look different. Yeah, they are going, and that's totally okay. They are going to change. And not all of our friends from high school are going to be friends for life. And that doesn't mean it was a bad friendship, that just means sometimes friendships change, or sometimes friendships are for certain seasons. I love that.

Tatum: 09:18
Yeah, and it's hard to know too when you're like super close with a group of friends, maybe for your entire childhood or just high school, and you have these expectations that that will just continue, and oftentimes they don't. And change is hard, change is hard for me. I did not like graduating from high school and being like, Oh, see you guys. Now we're gonna have to do long distance, you're not doing day-to-day life with them anymore, so things are just gonna look different as long-distance friends, yeah. Um, but I think I just had to learn that change is okay, and it doesn't mean that your friendship is failing, it just means that it's different. And so I had to learn what it would look like to stay intentional with those people, call, text, make plans to visit, whatever that may be. And some of my friendships did last that way, yeah, but some of them did fade. And not that not to say that we left on bad terms or anything, but they kind of just fizzled. Is that the right word? Yeah, they just fizzled out, and I still keep in contact with them on Instagram or every once in a while, but they fizzled, and I think I had to accept that those friendships were just for a season. And that's okay, and the Lord will provide new friends for the current season in college. He will provide the new people um who I was supposed to be friends with then, and just learning to be okay with it, and learning that different does not equal bad or worse.

Rachel: 10:44
Yeah, yeah, I completely agree. And I think one thing too at 18, moving away from home, coming to college, um, one thing I had to recognize was just because I don't see that friend every week or even every month doesn't mean you still don't have a strong friendship. Oh, that's so good. I have friends that I see two or three times a year, and when we do see each other, it's like nothing has changed. Yeah, and we're still able to maintain that friendship. We're still able to check in through text or phone calls. Um, but just because you're not seeing them every month doesn't mean they're still not your friend. Yeah.

Tatum: 11:14
That's so good, Rachel. Um, let's maybe talk about what it looks like to be a good friend in college because I feel like college is obviously a brand new environment. In high school, you can oftentimes just be friends with whoever's in your class. It's kind of automatic. You spend all day, every day with those people, and that could be true at your dorm too, but everyone is learning how to live their lives, balance the schedules of academics, social life, sports, whatever that may look like. And I think some people are scared to put themselves out there because what if I embarrass myself? What if I don't say the right thing? I don't want to be cringy, like all of those types of things. But in order to make friends and be a good friend, I feel like you kind of have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. 100%.

Rachel: 12:08
How do you think about that? Yeah, I think one thing Tayum and I have talked about before is being the person to act first. So we're all in the same boat coming into college, everyone is all new, everyone's on the same playing field. Yeah, where we're all new to this environment, we're all new to this school. Um, some people from even farther away, some people from the same state, but everyone's coming and no one has known each other for that long. Yeah. So we're all in the same space. So a great thing that you can do is be the first person to reach out. Lots of times people are just waiting for someone to reach out to them first. So be that person. You can be that person that says, Hey, what's your name? We're in the same class, we're in the same year. Like, how are you feeling about everything?

Tatum: 12:52
Or and I think people think it's cringy to invite yourself to things or even ask people to coffee. And I just want to dispel that. That's a myth. People like if I came up to someone who's like, Hey, you seem cool. Do you want to grab coffee? Someone would feel so welcomed and safe by you and intentionally asking them to go out and do something.

Rachel: 13:16
Right. I would love that, you know? Yeah, and if that person doesn't receive that well, that's definitely on them.

Tatum: 13:22
And it's not your person, yeah. So don't think it's cringy or scary to ask someone first. I think that is a sign of confidence and maturity, and it's a great way to make friends, my opinion. Sometimes you just have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. And Rachel and I are both extroverts, so this may seem insensitive to you, introverts out there, but you do have to push yourself a little bit out there in order to make those friends personally.

Rachel: 13:48
That's what I think. Yeah, you can still form strong relationships as an introvert, of course. And that activity can look like something more chill and less social than going to a party or going on a hangout with a big group of people. It can be one-on-one, yeah, a casual one-on-one grab coffee, or like if you find someone who also likes to be introverted and just kind of share the same space as someone, that can work for you too.

Tatum: 14:12
Yeah, or even if you don't want to go out of your way on the floor, what about finding people in your major? I know you loved doing that in college.

Rachel: 14:21
I do remember freshman year like getting involved in clubs and getting to know everyone on my floor, but I remember feeling anxious about not having any friends in being a major. And so one day I was leaving class and I just told like the group of girls that I was leaving with, like, guys, I feel like I I don't have friends in my major, or we should be friends. So bold. I love it. So extroverted. Yeah, but and it worked. And I actually, a couple years later, I ended up going on a trip to Hawaii with that group of girls. So it pays off, you guys. It pays off to be just have to not be afraid to be cringe because I don't, yeah, no one thinks you're pretty much. I think like everyone was happy to receive that. Yeah, and everyone's in the same boat, everyone in college is in the same place. Yes, yeah, remember that.

Tatum: 15:05
Um, let's move on and talk about dating. A hot topic.

Rachel: 15:12
Tatum, I would love to hear your thoughts about Christian college and the ring by spring controversy. Controversy.

Tatum: 15:21
That we There is a controversy. Yeah. Some people love it. They say I'm here for my MRS degree. Some people hate it and think that'll never be me. Um, yeah, it's a big topic of conversation, and I think it's really interesting. I mean, at least for me coming into Biola, I for sure thought that was a thing. Like, ring by string would be everywhere. Did you think that too when you were coming to Biola? I heard the rumors. So rumors.

Rachel: 15:47
I remember telling someone, it was like an older couple that I was going to Biola and they're like, oh, everyone who goes there gets married.

Tatum: 15:54
I was like, oh, I and I did not I did not know that that was a rumor that was happening. Yeah. So I think it's really interesting that most people have that thought coming into any Christian college, but biola a lot. Yeah. Um, but Chris Grace, um, the director of the CMR and our lovely boss actually did a study on the reality of Ring by Spring on which students who attend Biola together, meet at Biola, and get married before graduation. What percent of people actually do that? Yeah. And I don't remember the exact number, but I think it was around 8%. And don't quote me on that, Chris. I'm sorry if that's so false. But I remember it being a very small percentage of people for that actually to be true. Um, and I think that's really interesting. So if you are maybe coming into college, do not rush to find a spouse. Please. Number one, college is not the the main point of college is not to find a spouse. Right. It is to get a degree, not the MRS. There you go. That is not the main purpose and point of college. Two, you might be saying, but Tatum, everybody else is getting married. What about me? Comparison is the thief of joy. Do not let that comparison game, which by the way is only 8%-ish of Viola students, do not let that rush you into a relationship that is not right. I have seen that a few times already. Yeah. Even though we're in our young 20s, people rushing into a relationship, not looking for patterns, just looking at potential or companionship or whatever it is, they rush into that relationship, get married, and it is not the best situation. And even long term, I know people who had a bio relationship, got married, and are now divorced because of that reality. So maybe what are some practical tips to avoid that comparison game or dating the wrong person?

Rachel: 18:10
Like, what would you say to someone coming into Biowa? I would say to echo what you've been saying, Tatum, definitely give yourself time. Yes. Give yourself time to grow as a person. So much of college is about forming yourself, figuring out your own ideas and what you're passionate about. Um, and it's gonna be hard to do that if you're focusing on another person. Um, so really taking the time to focus on you and what you're looking for and who the kind of person you want to be, I think is very important.

Tatum: 18:43
Yeah. And it's your first time leaving your home, probably your family of origin. And so your whole life you've grown up with this set of ideas, which might be great from your family. Um, but you're gonna learn how to make your life your own, what you truly believe, what you truly care about. And that takes time.

Rachel: 19:04
Yeah.

Tatum: 19:05
And I wouldn't want that process to be limited by somebody else and their sets of ideas and their stuff, and also it's a huge life transition. Right. So your emotions might be all over the place, too. Why would you add another factor, I guess, into that as you transition to this new environment of school, living, friends? Literally everything is changing. So I think it would probably be wise not to throw in a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I totally agree. And what's the timeline on that?

Rachel: 19:40
Like, what would you give as practical advice if you asked, Tatum? Um, one piece of advice that I've heard before is to either not date the first semester of college or even the first year of college because it's such a big transition. Formative. Formative, and you're figuring out if you even like the college you're going to, if you're finding community there. Um, so I think as you adjust to that massive transition, it's important to give yourself that year. Also, that year gives you that time to figure out and observe people around you and see their quality of character and not just someone they're trying to be maybe for the first few months of college. And I know Tatum, you had a similar experience to hear about that.

Tatum: 20:30
Yeah. So that piece of advice of observing someone um actually came from my mom. Shout out, mom. Um, there was a boy that I liked, and my mom said, Tatum, I want you to observe him from the outside before you act on these emotions on this crush. And so I watched this guy um on campus. I know that sounds so creepy. I was watching him. I watched him from afar in front groups, and one day I was working um kind of by the fireplace by Commons over there, and I saw him and his buddies walking to the calf. And I was like, oh my gosh, there he is. And then they passed um a kid from their dorm who maybe just wasn't as popular, he wasn't as integrated, just didn't have a good set of friends, and was often alone. And um Noah saw this this boy, and he while all his friends walked forward, he walked back to this kid and said, Hey, we would love to have you join us for lunch. Would you come hang out with us? And uh the boy was so excited to join them. And Noah left his group to to invite this kid, and I was like, Wow, that is so cool that he has eyes for people that. Don't often get attention or are just seen as less than. And I really admired that quality in him. And now he's my husband. So And there you go. And there you go. Um, but I'm so glad that I observed him before I dated him. Because when you date someone, at least for the first little bit, they can put on almost this like facade. I mean, we all do it, we present our best selves. Right. Right. But eventually you're gonna want to know like who are they really? And so to see that character displayed when he thought no one else was watching was so cool to me. And so, not in a stalkerish way, but observe people. Like, if there's a guy you like in your friend group, observe how he treats people, observe how he treats waiters or professors or friends or people that are viewed as less than. Like, see how he treats people, see how he takes care of himself, all the things. Uh um, before you start dating.

Rachel: 22:59
Yeah. And just to reiterate that too, it's that phrase that we love here at the CMR. Look for patterns, not potential. Yes. So looking for their consistency. Who do they consistently show up as, and not who we would like them to not who we would hope for them to be, because there's no promise that they will become that.

Tatum: 23:19
Hmm, that's so good. Yeah.

Alisa: 23:25
Hey, let's be real, Chris, right? We've all had moments where we thought, I wish somebody would just help me figure out this whole relationship thing.

Chris: 23:33
Yeah, and sometimes it's not even marriage, right? It just might be a roommate or a dating relationship, family, or even friendships.

Alisa: 23:40
Yeah, and that's exactly why we offer free relationship advice through the Center for Marriage and Relationship.

Chris: 23:46
Yeah, it's not only free, but it's confidential, it's biblical, it's practical, and those who seek guidance early enough can often avoid huge problems later.

Alisa: 23:56
Yeah, so if you're wrestling with something big or maybe there's just something small and you don't have to do it alone.

Chris: 24:03
Yeah, I just know that you can connect with our team today, so just check the show notes for all the details.

Rachel: 24:11
All right, Tatum. We just were talking about dating and what that looks like coming into college. Let's maybe pivot and work on talking about being away from family during this big transition.

Tatum: 24:22
I know when people go to college, they're coming from all over the place. So maybe your college is kind of near your hometown. Maybe it's, I don't know, within a drive, or maybe you're flying from across country. There's so many different variables, so many different um students and types, places you come from and perspectives. But I thought that maybe we could just touch on our two perspectives. Yeah. Um moving to college was really hard for me. On one hand, I was so excited to have independence and make new friends and be at Biola, my actual dream. But on the other hand, I adore my family and I love living with them. They're great. So it was a really interesting tension, and I got so homesick. Like when your parents drive away and you're like, huh, I'm so excited, this is gonna be so fun, but uh, I don't get to see my parents for a few months. Like, that was very hard for me, and maybe you're nervous about the same thing. And so, my advice for someone who is in that boat, and I I want to be sensitive that there are so many different family dynamics out there, so that might not be your story, but if that is your story, I just want to encourage you guys that missing your family doesn't mean you're failing at college, or it doesn't mean you're failing at adulthood or failing at whatever. It just means that you care for them and you have a wonderful family. Um, and I know it's so easy to fall into that trap. Like, shouldn't I be happy? Shouldn't I be excited? Should I be doing well on my own? Um, so know that first of all, it's not a failure, and that everyone experiences transitions differently. I um am very nostalgic and I love traditions, and so um transitions are tough for me because, like I said earlier in the episode, I don't do change well, and as I said earlier, I love my family. So that transition, although I was excited, was really hard. And so my biggest piece of advice, um, besides not beating yourself up, of course, is to always have a date on the calendar for when you'll see each other next. And what worked really good for our family was like um, let's say one month I go home and then the next month my parents come down. Well, that's great, and so you're kind of like trading the travel role every other month or whatever your timeline is, and having the trip booked before they leave the last time, and so you always have a for sure date that you're looking forward to and not just like a well, I don't know when I'll see you next, but bye. It's like now I'll see you on June 27th. Love you so much, and so you always have something to look forward to, and that was so cool for me, but also love the invention of FaceTime. I don't know what I'd do without it. FaceTime them, update them, like keep them involved in your life. And one thing that I do really appreciate about my parents, I don't know if anyone has had helicoptery parents in college, but I'm so glad that wasn't my experience. Yeah, they're like, we do not want to overstep and be those people who are helicoptering over your your own independent life, and so we're gonna let you call us. So just know that we're here, but we're not putting pressure on you for anything. Just call us when you're ready. And so I really appreciated that. Um, they kind of like let the rope out a little bit when you have my independence. Oh I thought. But we're still like, no, we're here and we want to talk to you, but only if you want to. And so I loved calling them and keeping up them updated on um on my life here. Also, like when you're walking to class, that was my time to call them like I'm in mama classes walking from one side of campus to the other, and little quick five-minute catch-up will do wonders. I love that. Yeah, how is your experience laying on?

Rachel: 28:17
Yeah, I want to second that it's totally okay to miss your family. And in that transition, think about being with your family all the time. For the first 18 years of your life, you were with them, you were living with them for most people. So coming away to college, especially if you're living in the dorms, is gonna be a massive change for you for sure. I do remember calling my mom like every day. The first month, the first month of college, like am I doing this right? This happened, this happened. So that's completely normal. And yeah, if you're experiencing that, like Tatum said, you're not failing. That's just part of college life. Yeah, it's also part of going through a big change. So, yeah. One thing I would love to speak to when talking about family is this is also your opportunity to figure out who you are outside of your family, yeah, outside of your family system, too. So, this is a chance for you to see what kind of person do I want to be when I'm not at home, when I'm on my own and figuring out what kind of adult I want to be. And college is a great space to do that and practice totally, yeah, and fail. Because you probably will, and that's a part of it too. Yeah, and so in that we can give ourselves grace in that. Hey, this is a big thing you're going through. This is a training ground. I love that. So it's for adulthood. So it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to not be great at everything on the first try. I also remember coming into college feeling like I'm gonna crush this. Like this this is gonna be my great territory. This is like I'm gonna have so much fun. And I did have so much fun, but things were not as easy as I expected them to be.

Tatum: 29:55
Yeah, taking care of yourself and navigating adult relationships, navigating school, like those all your dishes, all your laundry, all your school, all your social events, your calendar, literally, everything's on you now, which is new, which is for you for many people in you.

Rachel: 30:12
So, yeah, just give yourself grace in that. Know that again, everyone is in the same boat in this. So, even though it might feel like you're alone in that, everyone is feeling that way. Yeah, so yeah, you're not alone. Give yourself grace. And also, this is a great chance for you to ask questions and figure out who you want to be outside of your family system.

Tatum: 30:32
Yeah, I love that. And I think that you said this when we were talking about this episode. But college is not just about academic skills, it's also about life skills. You're learning so many life skills here, so lean into that opportunity because it's so great. Yeah, you're gonna take them outside of college. Um, but speaking about academic skills, okay. Um schools are different once you get to college, it's so different from high school. What would you tell a high school senior about what school's like in college?

Rachel: 31:05
Yeah, it's it's definitely a whole new level of expectation. It depends on what your high school looked like, what your school experience was growing up. But college, you need to lock it. You need seriously, you need to form strong relationships with professors, with classmates. So honestly, that would be my biggest tip is just to connect with people, connect with the person you're sitting next to in class. Um, I think some there are a couple classes I remember having where no one really talked to each other. But remember, we're waiting for someone else to act first when we could be the first person to speak out. So you can actually take the initiative and be the first person to turn to the person sitting next to you and say, Oh, hey, like, how's this class going for you so far? Like, what do you think of this assignment that we're doing? Like, this is crazy. Yeah. Or just asking, like, how their day has been. So forming those connections will actually help you with friendship and also in school because you're gonna need support. Yes. Um, study groups, also, hot tip if the professor says something that you're really passionate about or that excites you during class, you can go up to them after class and say, Hey, I just want to let you know that was really cool. I would love to learn more about that, and that can strengthen your connection with those professors too.

Tatum: 32:23
Yeah, yeah, take advantage of your professors. I feel like there's so many people who regret not talking to professors because they have office hours for a reason. If you need help with things, go for that. But also, if you don't need help and just want to talk about the subject, they're such amazing resources and even can be great connectors for future jobs. Like, my one of my marketing professors actually connected me with Kristen Alisa, and that's how I want this job. That's so cool. Because I had made a relationship with her, talked to her outside of class, and she recommended me for this position. Like, they are just great resources for everything. So love that. Connect with people, and also, yes, you need to lock in because high school, I'm not saying high school is easy, but college is much harder. You're gonna have to do lots of critical thinking, lots of time management. It's like you are learning this stuff for your career, not just to get a diploma or a degree, like you're gonna be using this stuff in your career. So it's very important that you are focused and can organize your time well and give it a hundred percent effort. Um, professors do not put up with half effort here. Um, but I do think a lot of people, at least I saw in my class, I'm sure you saw in your class, have a really hard time picking their major. And so, like, what do I put my a hundred percent effort into? It feels like I don't I don't know what I want my career to be yet. Um, what would you say for someone who can't figure out what they want to do?

Rachel: 34:08
Yeah, we have two questions that you can ask yourself if you're feeling unsure about your major or what career you want to go to go into. And those two questions are what am I passionate about and what am I actually good at? So finding things that you genuinely enjoy and that you've received feedback that wait, I am actually pretty good at this thing, or I really enjoy doing this thing, and when I do it well, I'm motivated to work hard and complete it. Yeah, that's so good.

Tatum: 34:36
I I remember a professor in my first year seminar and asked that question, and I was like, that is so good. What am I passionate about and what am I gifted with from the Lord? Like, what gifts has He put in my life? What am I passionate about? Those two things could be your career. Like, for example, I am really good at marketing and design, and I'm passionate about business and psychology. There you go. What is that breed? Marketing and communication. Um, and I and I think that was so encouraging because then you have this motivation to do good work too because you are passionate about it.

Rachel: 35:16
Yeah.

Tatum: 35:17
And I remember also our president, Dr. Barry Corey, yeah, um, said this in a speech. I forget where, but he said, the new apologetics of our day is excellence. I was like, whoa, producing excellent work is the new apologetics of our day because so many people do not produce excellent work. And I think when you find something you're passionate about and you're good at using the gifts that God has given you, you are motivated then to produce good works, excellent work, and your work then can be a witness for other people. That's so beautiful.

Rachel: 35:53
Go off, Dr. Corey. There you go. Shout out to DBC, and that does remind me of a professor I hired a biola. Shout out to Megan Callender, she's amazing, and I interned with her, and I remember her talking about how she's a speech pathologist and um at a public school, and um her work there was excellent. I don't know, I don't know if she was she's humble, so I don't know if she was my witness, but it truly is like the work she's doing with her students there is so excellent. And because um she was so well respected in her community, um, they actually allowed her to run a Bible study on campus at her school because she was so well loved and well respected. It's so cool. Yeah, so not only is your work a good representation of like Christians and the Lord, it can also give you an avenue to spread the gospel with people because of your opportunity. Yeah, yeah, that's so good. Um, yeah, those are our little pieces of advice. Another hot tip. Oh, another tip if you're struggling with what major to pick, ask people already in that major why they picked. Oh, did you do that? Um, I think I I feel like I did. I switched to psych halfway through, and I did meet with people to ask, like, why are you interested in psych? That's it. And sitting in on classes is helpful to you, or asking professors too, like what made you want to go into this field and comparing that to your own desires and your own gifts and seeing like, oh, that that aligns with what I'm looking for.

Tatum: 37:25
Yeah, yeah, that's so good. Um, well, in closing, college will stretch you, it will challenge you, and it will change you. But um, yeah, you won't do everything perfectly and you'll make mistakes and you will definitely have awkward conversations. I've had many. You'll choose the wrong class, join the wrong club, spend too much money at Commons, which I also know about. Um, but that is all part of the process, it's part of the journey of college. Like we said, it's your training ground for adulthood. You're allowed to make yes stakes, give yourself grace. This is where you learn. Um, but just continue to stay curious and invest in people and pursue the Lord, and you will be just fine. Yeah. Um, and remember, like we keep saying throughout this episode, nobody has college figured out when they first arrive. Right. Yeah. So don't stress. It's gonna be great. And yeah. Yeah.

Rachel: 38:16
That's really good. And good things take time. Love good friendships, good skills, excellence. It takes time. So give yourself grace in that too. Love that.

Tatum: 38:26
And we are available to you if you are going to Biola or really any school. Obviously, our physical location is at Biola next to the calf. Um, but we have resources available to anyone. Um, so if you'd like to schedule up for your relationship, advice, appointment, or just browse our resources, blogs online. We have plenty for people who are just coming to college or on friendships dating, literally everything. We have podcasts and blogs as cmr.biola.edu. Um, or if you have any specific questions, you can email us at cmr at biola.edu and we'd love to hear from you.

Rachel: 39:02
Yep. And those relationship advice appointments are free. You get two free per semester. So, and that's open to anyone. We can zoom you in to Google Meet You In. So don't need to worry about coming here in prison.

Tatum: 39:15
So take advantage of that wonderful resource and we'll talk to you next time. Bye.

Mandy: 39:23
We're very glad you joined us for today's podcast. For more resources on marriage and healthy relationships, please visit our website at cmr.viola.edu. We'll see you next time on the Art of Relationships.