How exciting to know that your young adult is off to college this year! When our kids started college, my wife and I were as nervous and excited as they were. We mostly knew what to expect but still worried as they started classes and made new friends. Thankfully, they loved their college experiences, with only a few difficulties and mistakes made by them and by us.

Here are some lessons we learned and some common mistakes we have seen parents make along the way.

1. Shift from Protection to Specific Prayer

Students often deal with identity and relationship issues, and such struggles rarely have easy answers. Many students seem to regress, questioning some core values and ideas, seeking clarity on ultimate truths, and figuring out what they truly believe apart from their parents.

As parents, we need to see this journey not as something to be avoided or to protect them from, but as a call to be in daily prayer for them.

We need to pray for their hearts to be soft to the Lord, receptive to His calling, and for their relationships to bring them closer to Jesus.

• Pray for their friends and roommates by name.
• Lift up their faculty, resident assistants, and directors.
• Ask God to reveal Himself to your student by any and all means, through His Word, chapels, classes, faculty, and even struggles and pain.

If your young adult begins to reject the faith entirely, rather than panic, simply offer them even more grace, patience, and continued prayer.

2. Relinquish Control Over the Uncontrollable

Your student comes home and announces they want to change their major, but you are the one paying the tuition bill. It is so tempting to feel like you should have the final say here. What do you do?

Honestly, I suggest taking a deep breath and letting go of what you can't control. So much of the college experience is completely out of our hands, especially the daily choices of our young adult kids.

Instead of stressing yourself out, try focusing on how you choose to react when these curveballs happen. It is completely normal for students to change their majors three or four times before graduation. Plus, most employers care more that a candidate finished a college degree than what specific major is printed on the diploma.

Making a "mistake" with an academic track isn't fatal. In fact, God often uses those exact detours to shape our kids in ways we never could have predicted.

3. Pull Back and Trust Their Relationship Choices

Your student is starting to date someone, and you believe they are making a mistake. As a psychology professor and director of the Center for Marriage and Relationships (CMR), I am happy to report that the majority of students are savvy in relationships, well-adjusted, and skilled at knowing good friends from fake ones. They usually get their relationships right, knowing what is healthy and what is toxic, and most avoid major negative consequences.

Stay encouraged and trust the journey your student is on. When it comes to matters of the heart, your young adult still needs your advice, prayers, and perspective, but they must usually figure these things out on their own.

Entrust them into God's hands, knowing He has plans for their welfare, to give them a future and a hope.

4. Step In Gracefully When Hardships Strike

There are common life issues that affect many students, like stress, sleep difficulties, relationship or family problems, depression, and anxiety. Romantic heartbreak can also disrupt their ability to carry out daily activities or engage in satisfying relationships. Surveys show that 30% of college freshmen report feeling regularly overwhelmed, and 46% of college students have felt "things were hopeless" at least once a year.

If this is your student, direct action may be necessary. Initiate help if they have frequent thoughts of self-criticism or blame, pessimism, impaired memory and concentration, or thoughts of death and suicide. Listen, reassure them, and seek information on support strategies, such as pastoral or resident life counseling, and professional help.

Most schools have a counseling center and caring faculty. Additionally, places like the CMR at Biola University can provide guidance and referrals to professionals, even for students outside of California.

5. Let Go and Watch God Do a New Thing

One of the hardest balancing acts for any college parent is figuring out when to let your kids make their own choices and when to actually step in with parental authority.

Take Christmas break, for example. Your student comes home but spends almost every free second with their high school friends instead of family. Or maybe they drop a bomb that they are looking for a summer apartment and won't be moving back home for the break at all. It is incredibly easy to react out of hurt, either by flat-out saying "no" or by dropping passive-aggressive guilt trips.

There are no easy answers here, but I love the reminder we get from the prophet Isaiah:

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
Isaiah 43:18-19

As parents, it is so easy to focus on the scary "wilderness" of this new stage that we completely miss how God is actively working in our kids' lives. Being in the desert is lonely and confusing, but God is the one who carves out the pathways and provides the streams.

We have to trust that He is in control, even when we feel entirely out of the loop. He is busy transforming their thoughts, hearts, and dreams in ways we can't see yet. Ask Him for the peace to see things from His perspective, and then look forward with excitement to the beautiful things He is about to do in your student's life.

A Note from One Parent to Another

Sending a child off to campus is a massive milestone, and it is completely okay if your emotions are all over the place right now. Be gentle with yourselves as you navigate this transition. You aren't losing your relationship with your student. You are simply entering a new season of watching them become the person God designed them to be.

Lean into prayer, give them plenty of grace, and enjoy the ride!

Finding Community: Trusted Campus Ministries

One of the best ways to ease your own worries is to help your student get connected to a healthy, life-giving community right away. While you are practicing the art of letting go, you can encourage them to check out these highly respected, nationwide student ministries found on many college campuses:

• Cru: Focuses on vibrant campus evangelism, small-group Bible studies, and global missions.
• The Navigators: Deeply dedicated to personal, "Life-to-Life" discipleship and intentional one-on-one spiritual mentoring.
• InterVarsity Christian Fellowship: Known for building diverse, student-led witnessing communities and engaging deeply with Scripture.
• Ratio Christi: An organization focused on apologetics, teaching students how to defend their faith using history, philosophy, and science.

As your student steps into this new season, trust that the same God who has guided them this far will continue to walk with them, shape them, and surround them with the people they need along the way.