Dear CMR: Do We Have to Be Financially Stable Before Getting Married?

This is a question Alisa and I hear all the time—especially from engaged or seriously dating couples. And honestly, the short answer is: every single couple is in a unique situation. There’s no one-size-fits-all formula here. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t some wise principles to consider.

Financial Reality vs. Financial Prospects

If there's little to no hope of future income—no job prospects, no real plan—and you're depending entirely on the generosity of friends and family just to launch your life together, you may want to hit the pause button. That’s not to say your relationship isn’t strong or that your intentions aren’t honorable. But marriage thrives when built on wisdom, intentionality, and a shared vision—not desperation.

That said, if you do have reasonable prospects—like cheap housing, part-time work that can cover your basic needs, or a simple, doable plan to make it work—and if your community is affirming your decision and the only major obstacle is finances, I’d say: go for it.

The Power of Community Support

It’s also important to realize that “financial stability” looks different depending on where you live, your cultural context, and the support you have around you. Who are the people cheering you on spiritually, emotionally, and practically? Do you have mentors? A church family? Close friends or family who walk with you? That kind of support is worth more than any padded savings account.

Our Story: Ramen, Sacrifice, and a $120 Grill

When Alisa and I got married, I was a graduate student living on a tight stipend. We didn’t have much—actually, we had so little that we returned a BBQ grill we received as a wedding gift to Walmart for $120. That money bought our groceries for nearly a month. Romantic, right?

We had a motorcycle, a part-time job opportunity for Alisa, and a deep commitment to figure it out together. We sold most of our things (parting with my motorcycle was hard but worth it) and made it work—not because we had a solid financial foundation, but because we had a plan, a whole lot of faith, and each other.

Wisdom in Planning

Would financial guru Dave Ramsey recommend it? Probably not. He’d say you need an emergency fund to cover three to six months. And truthfully, having some savings is a good idea. It’s wise to get your financial house in order as best you can before you get married. That means creating a budget, talking honestly about your spending habits, and setting some shared goals.

But here’s the key: financial stability is just one of several variables to consider. What matters most is that you and your future spouse are aligned—on values, on faith, and on your willingness to face challenges together.

Final Thoughts

Marriage isn’t about having everything figured out—it’s about building a life together, including figuring things out along the way. If you’ve got a plan, a support system, and a whole lot of grace for each other, you’re off to a pretty good start.

And if you ever doubt that two people can make it work on a graduate student’s budget… just ask me and Alisa.