You expect being engaged to be the easiest, happiest season of your life.

You’ve found your person.
You’re wedding planning.
You’re counting down the days until you become one.
There are firsts and photos and parties and Pinterest boards.

It’s exciting, right?

Well—yes. But also… not at all what I expected.

Not kidding you: the day after I got engaged to my now husband, Noah, things took a turn.
Suddenly we were facing tension we’d never experienced before—

• Unspoken expectations

• Increased sexual temptation

• Wedding planning stress

• Disconnection in friendships

• Fights that seemed to come out of nowhere

• Invasive, even negative thoughts about each other
  

I remember thinking, “What is happening?! We were just fine…”
Looking back, I realize now—we weren’t crazy.
We were under pressure. And we were under attack.

So if you're engaged and feel like you're barely holding it together, this is for you.
You're not broken. You're not failing.
You're entering one of the most spiritually significant, emotionally stretching, and psychologically complex seasons of your life.
And it's okay to say: this is hard.

1. Engagement Feels Like a Spotlight—and a Mirror

Engagement is not just a romantic waiting room—it’s a full-on preparation zone. You are standing at the edge of a covenant, about to enter a lifelong partnership that requires unity, trust, sacrifice, and spiritual maturity.

Naturally, this season surfaces everything that’s not that.

According to relationship research from the Gottman Institute, transitions (like getting engaged or moving in together) often intensify conflict. Why? Because change—even good change—amplifies existing patterns. What you avoided before becomes unavoidable. What was buried comes up. Every personality difference, every communication gap, every assumption—you suddenly feel it more.

“Conflict is not a sign of failure—it’s the beginning of deeper understanding.”
— The Gottman Institute

For us, that meant learning how to fight fair, not fast. It meant letting go of the idea that conflict meant incompatibility. It was just the beginning of learning how to become one.

2. You’re Not Just Planning a Wedding—You’re Emeshing Two Lives

Planning a wedding is often called “the happiest time of your life.” And yes—it can be fun.

But it’s also an exercise in compromise, logistics, money management, decision fatigue, family expectations, and comparison culture. Not exactly candlelight and poetry.

Beyond the details, you're also navigating:

• Two families of origin

• Two views on time, money, and priorities

• Two nervous systems coping with change

• Two people carrying spiritual baggage and personal fears
  

You’re not just blending your Spotify playlists—you’re blending family cultures, conflict styles, trauma histories, and communication patterns.

And it can feel… overwhelming.

Psychologists call this “differentiation of self”—the ability to stay emotionally grounded and true to who you are, while remaining deeply connected to another person. Engagement tests this in big ways. You’re building toward oneness without losing your sense of self. That takes intention, patience, and grace.

3. The Enemy Hates What God Designed

Now let’s talk about the part people rarely mention: spiritual warfare.

Marriage was God’s idea. It’s a sacred covenant, a picture of Christ and the Church, and a space designed for mutual love, service, healing, and mission.

Which is exactly why the enemy targets it.

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness…”
— Ephesians 6:12

Engagement puts a target on your back. If Satan can’t destroy your relationship, he’ll try to distract, divide, or discourage you. For us, that looked like:

• Intrusive thoughts of doubt and insecurity

• Temptation to isolate emotionally or physically

• Miscommunication that escalated into discouragement

• A general heaviness we couldn’t explain
  

This isn’t to scare you. But it is to wake you up. You need prayer. You need community. You need Scripture as your sword.
You don’t fight flesh and blood—you fight lies, fear, and confusion with truth, grace, and obedience.

A great resource to look into is 'Going Deeper Together: Spiritual Armor Required': a five-lesson online course that equips you to recognize and stand against the enemy’s tactics in your relationship. With biblical insight and practical steps, you’ll be equipped to become “more than conquerors” and experience the thriving marriage God designed for you.

4. Sexual Temptation Gets Louder

Let’s be honest: if you’re saving sex for marriage, engagement is brutal.
You’re in love. You’ve committed. You’re about to become one.
It’s biologically, emotionally, and spiritually natural to want to be close.

But the call of Scripture is still clear:

“Flee from sexual immorality... You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
— 1 Corinthians 6:18–20

The purpose of purity isn’t to shame you—it’s to preserve something sacred.

But that doesn’t make the struggle less real. In fact, temptation often intensifies in engagement. Not because you’re failing—but because what you’re building matters.

Fighting for purity together teaches self-control, trust, and spiritual leadership—things you’ll need every day in marriage. Don’t underestimate how much God can form your character in this area.

5. Everyone Has Opinions—Few People Understand

Engagement can feel lonely—not because no one is around, but because it feels like no one really gets it. Friends may be distracted. Family may be controlling. People often ask about the dress, the venue, or the honeymoon—but rarely about how your heart is doing.

So if you're feeling isolated, let me say:
Find mentors.
Find a Christ-centered couple who’s a few years ahead of you.
Find people who care more about your marriage than your wedding.
This season is too formative to do it alone.

6. The Pressure to “Get It Right” Can Crush Your Joy

There’s this hidden expectation that everything about engagement should feel perfect.
And if it doesn’t? Something must be wrong with you. Or your relationship.

But perfection was never the goal. Wholeness is.

And wholeness comes through process—not posing.

So here’s what you need to know:

• Conflict doesn’t mean failure.

• Hard days don’t mean you chose the wrong person.

• Tears don’t cancel out joy.

• Temptation doesn’t mean you’re disqualified.

• Needing help doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re wise.

So… What Do You Do?

Here’s what I wish I could tell myself (and maybe what you need too):

• Pray more than you plan. Wedding checklists are great, but spiritual armor is essential (Ephesians 6:10–18).

• Invite God into the process. Not just the ceremony, but the days when you feel numb, overwhelmed, or unsure.

• Pursue pre-marital counseling. Not just as a requirement—but as a gift to your future selves. Find the CMR's Marriage Mentoring Resources here. 

• Take your thoughts captive. Don’t let lies about your worth, your future, or your relationship go unchecked (2 Corinthians 10:5).

• Speak grace over each other. You’re both growing. You’re both learning. Choose kindness over criticism.

Engagement is not just a countdown to your wedding day—it’s preparation for a covenant.
It’s sanctifying. It’s exposing. It’s deeply spiritual.

And yes—it’s hard.

But it’s also holy.

Let God use this season to deepen your faith, your character, and your love.
He is not surprised by your struggle—and He is strong in your weakness.

You’re not behind.
You’re not failing.
You’re becoming who you need to be—for the person you’re about to become one with.

And that is deeply worth it.