In this episode, Chris and Alisa Grace explore the sensitive question many Christians wrestle with: If I had sex before marriage, am I forgiven? They discuss God’s design for sex, how He responds to sexual sin, and the emotional, spiritual, and relational healing that is possible. Along the way, they address shame, guilt, conviction, and the difference between God’s forgiveness and the enemy’s accusations, while offering practical steps toward freedom and restoration. Whether you’re navigating your own past, supporting a spouse, or walking with a friend through this struggle, this episode provides compassionate and hope-filled guidance for strengthening relationships.

Resources Mentioned:

• FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway – Monterey, CA – A weekend away to invest in your marriage with biblical teaching, practical tools, and quality time together. Learn more and register here
• Talbot School of Theology – Equipping leaders in biblical truth and partnering with the CMR to expand resources for marriages and relationships. www.biola.edu/talbot
  
  

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About the Hosts:

Chris Grace, Ph.D., and Alisa Grace are passionate about helping people build and sustain healthy relationships. As leaders of the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships, they combine the wisdom of Scripture with scholarly research to offer practical advice and insights. Learn more about their work at cmr.biola.edu.

Chris [00:00:00] In this episode, we're going to address a deeply sensitive, but honest question. If I had sex before marriage, am I forgiven? Is redemption still possible? Many Christians wrestled with feelings of shame, regret, and unworthiness after crossing sexual boundaries they never intended to. The weight of that decision can feel permanent, but scripture tells a different story. We'll explore God's design for sex, how He responds to sexual sin, and what looks like to heal. Emotionally, spiritually, and relationally, whether this is part of your past or someone you love is walking through it, this conversation will be anchored in truth, compassion, and hope.

Mandy [00:00:40] Welcome to The Art of Relationships. This podcast is produced by the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships Let's get right into it.

Chris [00:00:51] So Lisa, you talk about a sensitive topic. It's this one. This idea of, you know, I had sex before marriage. You know, we hear that from a number of people that we do relationship advice with. And is there forgiveness? Is there redemption? Or my girlfriend has, or my boyfriend has. They don't know how to deal with forgiveness and redemption very well. I can at least extend forgiveness, but what does this say about our chances of having a good marriage or is this going to follow us for a long time? How can we heal from this or how can they heal from it? And then sometimes it's like, you know, I don't see anything wrong with it, but I'm just trying to find out is there anything really wrong with this. And so sometimes there's a lack of shame, you know, a lack guilt in that. Which can be equally as devastating. Yeah, I think so too. In the end. Yeah, yeah I think it can. So in this area, let me just give you some stats. In Muslim countries, what percent would you guess would a survey of people living in Muslim countries approve of premarital sex?

Alisa [00:02:10] In a Muslim country? Oh, I would say like.

Chris [00:02:15] Zero percent ten percent. So basically ninety percent is here in European countries. Let's talk Italy Spain France Germany, whatever

Alisa [00:02:25] I would say probably 98% approve of it.

Chris [00:02:31] Yeah, somewhere in the neighborhood of 70.

Alisa [00:02:34] Really? That's all? I would have guessed a lot more than that in Europe.

Chris [00:02:37] More of this, around 70 percent. Okay. In the Philippines, it's closer to Muslim countries as far as numbers.

Alisa [00:02:47] Of the highly Catholic.

Chris [00:02:49] And then in America, what do you think approve of sex before mere premarital sex for couples?

Alisa [00:02:56] I would say it's probably close to Europe.

Chris [00:02:59] Yeah, it's getting closer to Europe. It's closer to the Europe. I think Europe may actually, now they think about it, if I remember, it is closer to 85 or 90, and the U.S. Is closer to 65, to 70, yeah. When you talk about this topic, one of the things that comes up regularly is that feeling of shame. Which seems different than a lot of other sins that we might commit. Somehow, sexual sin seems different. The red letter, right? The scarlet letter. Yeah, it just seems as if we're maybe having a category of sin, but we all know all sin is... Let all sin is unliked by God, right? God does not like sin, any sin at any time. And Jesus really kind of pushed, I think, the narrative on this by saying, yeah, you say you don't commit adultery, but what about your heart? What about your thoughts? You know, you said you don t commit murder, but when you're angry, what do you do, right. Yeah. And so this whole notion then that there's different levels or different kinds or different seriousness of sin really doesn't exist in Jesus's world, right? In this Christian worldview of his, of ours. And I guess then why do people feel so different about this? What do we do about that? They feel broken, ashamed, you know? And am I in thing? Um. It must start with a true understanding of what sin is and who God is, right? It must start with the true understanding also of what sex does to two people.

Alisa [00:05:04] God's design. What did he design for that sexual relationship to look like and to be like and to do in a committed relationship between a husband and wife? Because when we look at marriage, really, Chris, he's the one that designed it. It was his idea, right? And so a lot of people in Christian circles still have such a hard time. Talking about this area. We can talk about alcohol, we can talk about abuse, we could talk about cheating on our taxes, we can talk whatever the sin is. But this is one of those areas that Christians can have a really hard time talking about, and which is interesting because God's the one that designed it. It was his idea. He created that very first couple, Adam and Eve in Genesis, in the garden and Created them with that sexual relationship. He made their bodies complementary to one another, right? And he said, be fruitful and multiply. There are multiple times in the Bible where we have really positive examples of a flourishing sexual romantic relationship in that way. On the Solomon talks about that. Anyway, so as we begin this talk, I think it's really important just to lay the foundation of the viewpoint that sex is actually really good. It's really beneficial. God designed it to be pleasurable, to be mutually pleasurable for both a husband and a wife. He designed sex to be mutually exclusive between, only between a husband and wife. And then he created it as a sacred bond, where the two become one. And it's not just that physical bonding, but what it does is it accomplishes a spiritual bonding, a relational bonding, a mental, emotional bonding. And that whole idea of becoming one is supersedes just that physical union. It's the idea of we become one relationally, financially, mentally, emotionally, socially, in every area of our life. And so there's a really beautiful perspective that God designed and He wants us to share.

Chris [00:07:37] And then there is no clearer moral imperative. There's no more clear law, there's no more clear standard out there than he designed it for, as you said, to take place in us, in the context of marriage. Any sex outside of marriage,

Alisa [00:08:01] and a husband and a wife.

Chris [00:08:03] Marriage is considered outside of God's design, right? So it's clear. There is no possible way you can interpret any scripture which says, well, if you really love the person and you're going to get married, it's okay. And I think this is where the issue comes in a lot. Let's just talk about American Christians. Ninety percent of American Christians, sorry, of Americans have had sex before marriage. Ninety per cent of Americans had sex prior to marriage. Now the question then comes up is, is having sex premaritally with the person you're to marry. Is that... And negative, does it negatively impact later marital quality? Well, so just a stat for you. The answer is interesting. The answer it does, but mostly if the person or one of the other have had other partners, multiple partners before, and then they have sex with their eventual partner, you know, marital partner, that does have a more negative impact on later marital quality. Right?

Alisa [00:09:40] Why is that, do you think?

Chris [00:09:42] Well, I think that's what we're going to get into, a little bit of the ideas, but I think the counter or the opposite is, well, how come it maybe doesn't, if they've never had sex with anybody else, they save it until they're seriously dating or engaged and then they have sex. Does that negatively impact future marriage equality? And the answer seems to be it doesn't as much, right?

Alisa [00:10:07] Not that it may, I think of what you just said as key, maybe not as much. Not that complete, it has absolutely no impact, but maybe not as much

Chris [00:10:17] Yeah, I think what they did is that you have a hard time figuring out, okay, later marital quality, right? And so research, you just got to go with kind of this is what research says, it's not what we would believe, but in that case, it doesn't seem to have a negative impact on later marita quality if there was a faithfulness and almost a commitment to two people right before they get married. So all that to say. Um, the shame and the guilt. Are therefore indications that something is wrong when we feel that, when there's sex outside of marriage and they feel shame. I think what it means is there is a moral standard that we all understand and agree upon and it is that which affects us and that which kind of comes into play with guilt and shame. Now, if you don't believe that sex before marriage is wrong or bad, you're not gonna probably feel any guilt or shame, right? And that's just not your moral kind of compass there, right. So when someone is struggling with this, Lise, what would you say they need to start thinking through or processing with God? If they're feeling that shame or that guilt? What's going to be some things they can do as they process this?

Alisa [00:11:52] Well, I think one of the first things is just recognizing that God doesn't approach us with a finger going like this. God approaches us like this, with His arms open wide, come to me. And one of most damaging aspects of shame is that it causes us to hide, you know, like Adam did and Eve did. When once they sinned and they ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge, right? And the first thing they did is they hid. They hid when they heard God walking through the garden like he would regularly to come and walk with them and be with them in the garden. And they were hiding. He knew where they were, but what did God say? He said, where are you? Why are you hiding? Come, talk with me. Let's deal with this. And so one of the most damaging aspects of shame is the desire and drive to hide and avoid God because we know we've disappointed him, we're afraid he's angry at us. And so, one of first things is recognizing that God is a God of redemption, of forgiveness, of restoration, of reconciliation and renewal. He is always quick to forgive, always quick to forgive. And I love some of the scriptures. First John 1.9 says, if we confess our sins to Him, He's faithful and He's just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, right? Oh, were you gonna say something? And then the scripture in Romans 8.1 says, there is therefore now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. You have been forgiven every sin you've committed, every one you will commit. But for relational purposes, He calls us to come and to confess our sins. And when we do that, He's going to be faithful. He's gonna be tender. He is going to kind and welcoming us back in and restoring us.

Chris [00:14:15] Sad boy, you should camp on that, replay what you just said over and over if this is a struggle of yours, because that is clearly the idea. No condemnation now, right?

Alisa [00:14:28] None. It doesn't say except if it's sexual sex, except if you slept together before you got married. It does not say that.

Chris [00:14:35] It does it and there's purification and cleansing. I think that brings up another characteristic of God besides obviously he's redeeming and welcoming and forgiving. Another one is that he's protective and he's not punitive, right? God's a protective God which is... So the question I think some people struggle with this, well why did he set it up this way? Why not just base upon whether or not you love somebody. And I think what God knows more than we will ever know is how the human brain functions. The designer knows what he designed and those that have been designed, all of us, can only wonder at the depths of the what is going on in this human brain of ours. By God being a protective God, what it simply means is that he has set up this order, this way of... The boundaries. Yeah, and by doing it, he set it up, and then he put boundaries around it, right? So these boundaries, you know, one example that a lot of people use is, you now, sex is like a fire in a fireplace. It warms the room. It provides light. It's something that draws people to it. That is we, that whole notion.

Alisa [00:16:14] Really beautiful and beneficial. It's your food, right? There's a lot of good things.

Chris [00:16:19] Yeah, and it does all of those things when it's in the proper place, in a fireplace. You take it outside the fireplace and what happens? It burns, it sinches, it destroys. It causes shame and guilt and doubt, if you're going to use push the analogy, right? Fire? Set up in the proper boundaries. Has so many good things like you've elaborated on, right? The things that bring us pleasure and they unite us and they make us one.

Alisa [00:16:55] And assure our commitment. You know, one of the things, one of those benefits that I think we often overlook is that when we abide by these protective boundaries, like you said, God's not trying to keep us from having fun. You know? It's because it's what's best for us according to His design, the way He designed it that made it. To where it will be a really beautiful, beneficial, thriving part of a marital relationship, right? And one of the benefits of abiding by those boundaries, even before you get married, is that it communicates something in a relationship in terms of, wow, you know, this is such a hard area to master and keep under control and exhibit self-control, self-discipline. But when we do, what that does is it tells me, as your future wife, you as my future husband, that I can trust you. You have the spiritual maturity, the depth of character, to exhibit self-control, because there may not always be times when you're married that you're able to always have sex. There are health issues that come up. There are mental-emotional health issues that can impact that medication, just, you know, some things that happen as you get older that make it or you may be separated. Think about people in the military, right? Or maybe you travel a lot for work and you're gone for periods of time. But I can rest assured because you showed a pattern of exhibiting self-control, self-discipline during that really tough time of engagement or dating engagement. That I can trust that you're probably gonna abide by that same behavior and pattern when we're married. Yeah, that's great. And so, it builds a sense of trust, a sense a commitment, it also builds a sens of, communicated a sense, of your protection over me because you didn't press that area. You didn't push me to go further than what I really wanted to. And if that had happened, we could experience forgiveness. Perhaps we could have been brought together. But there's part of that lingering of, yeah, but you didn't protect me back then. Are you really still gonna be for my benefit or are you going after what most gratifies just you? And so that's, you know, when I said at the beginning that maybe a relationship, a marital satisfaction can be really good. That's one of the things that kind of sticks in my mind, that yeah, butt kind of thing. So going back to that issue of experiencing the boundaries or living within those boundaries, abiding by them, that's one of the really cool benefits is that it can really build into your ability to trust your partner's character, their ability to exhibit self-control and to remain faithful because that's been a pattern in the early stages of our relationship.

Chris [00:20:12] Yeah, and so when someone has fallen to the sin and they're feeling that, the good news is that can be reestablished, and that can say both feel really bad about this. And one of the things, at least, that I know you agree with as well is that the relationship isn't ruined or broken for all of eternity now, just simply because. And that's going back to who God is and His characteristics, and that some of our own heart work then will demonstrate a pattern of discipline, you know, and then the spouse can then go, okay, I understand.

Alisa [00:21:09] Hey friends, we have got some big news. The Center for Marriage and Relationships is now part of Talbot School of Theology right here at Biola University.

Chris [00:21:18] We're thrilled, Lisa, because Telvah's been equipping leaders, you know, in biblical truth for decades. Yeah. And now together, we get to expand our resources for marriages and relationships.

Alisa [00:21:30] Yeah, it's exciting because research shows that couples with ongoing support and biblical guidance are far more likely to thrive. And that's exactly what makes this partnership possible.

Chris [00:21:41] Yeah, so if you're a student, pastor, just hungry to grow, we want you to know this is only the beginning of what God is doing through Talbot and the CMO.

Alisa [00:21:49] Yeah, you can learn more, just check out the show notes for details. And what would you say to the person who is wondering, wow, I've really messed up, we've messed up. Does that mean that now we have forfeited God's best for us as a couple?

Chris [00:22:08] Yeah. Go on forward. Yeah, the answer is absolutely not. You know, that's why God is a forgiving and loving God. You have it. You simply need to grasp that one truth and stand by it and do not let the enemy get in there and constantly accuse or constantly bring this to mind. And this is where I would say you're going to be under spiritual attack. Because if you start to have too much shame, too much guilt really is going to be a sign that you are allowing the enemy to put you and push you into places that God does not want.

Alisa [00:22:52] That's a great point, Chris. How would you differentiate between that idea of conviction from the Holy Spirit versus shame? What's the difference? You nuanced that out. How do you tell the difference.

Chris [00:23:04] Yeah, so I did my dissertation on this and no, I didn't.

Alisa [00:23:10] I was gonna say, did you really? I didn't remember that.

Chris [00:23:15] You know, just from a layman's view, I think that idea is true guilt is that identifying of when we violate a law, a moral law, or something that God has commanded, and when experience the the guilt to the point of going, okay, I was wrong, and we ask forgiveness, at that point, guilt after that is probably false guilt, right? It's probably something that is coming up out of some other things like the inability to forgive myself, right, the inability to not recognize and put into practice God's you know, 1 John 1, 9, you know. If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just, you know to forgive us our sins. And at that point, you are by all understanding of the way Jesus' death on the cross played out, all sin is now upon him and we are forgiven of that. And it is as far as the east is from the west removed from you, which is just an amazing thought. It means basically if you go east as far you can and then go opposite direction west two different points, you'll end up eternally away from, which means he takes your sins and then throws them in the sea of forgetfulness. Any time you go back and start fishing for that sin in that sea of forgetfulness. Well, God, you remember though, we did this. Oh God, do you remember? And you go back, I think that's when God says, frankly, I don't remember. I don't remember. I've cast it into what's translated the sea of Forgetfulness in Micah, right? And so I think true conviction is that conviction when I've done something and God. Says either loudly or softly or through somebody or through his, you know, spirit somehow, you know into our minds that we have done wrong. The recognition, the admitting and the seeking forgiveness is at that point then the point at which, you now, sin is forgiven. So I guess when we when we think about oh then but I still feel bad. Yeah, okay, you need to go back and read scripture. If you're gonna keep bringing this up, I think I was gonna say is you don't really understand what forgiveness is. It's just great, yes. So I think, you know, we, you, know, but I, you now, I could have, I wished I, yeah, all right, we get that. However, this sin is covered and washed by the blood of Jesus. So all that to say, at least, When we still continue to feel what we think, oh no, I'm being convicted by God again, I'm, you know, the Holy Spirit is there, I would challenge you to say, one, if you truly ask forgiveness, go back and explore that a little bit more, and then two, it could very well be our enemy attacking you and doing something like, hey, remember this, remember that, you gotta, hey, you're no good, oh, your marriage is gonna be messed up, like.

Alisa [00:26:57] Boy, he will do that, right? Because he'll take any chink in the armor, any point of weakness and exploit that. Any point of pain and then conviction and then turn it to shame. I love that idea that conviction of the Holy Spirit always leads to restoration, will lead to growth, to redemption, to reconciliation with him. Where shame drives us to run away, to hide, to not want to come to God. And shame really attacks our identity in Christ. Why would God, how could God forgive? How many times have you asked for forgiveness? How many time is he gonna forgive you? You can't ask him again to do that. You know, how lame are you? And builds upon that shame, whereas conviction of the Holy Spirit reminds us of our identity and Christ. What we do is not who we are. That identity in Christ never changes. And the Holy Spirit will bring that to mind and bring that bear in that restoration process. And I think that's part of, in our prayer time, when we are attacked by the enemy, When there's that spiritual attack, pushing us to shame, is the perfect time to... Maybe do just a quick recounting of who am I in Christ? What is my identity? I'm the daughter of the King. I am forgiven. I am beloved. I am blameless and without a single fault. And you can just really focus in on that aspect of your identity. Maybe do a deep dive study. There's actually a really good book. Oh, our friend Dr. Matt Williams is a theologian at Talbot School of Theology here at Biola University. He has a brand new book coming out this November that we're going to interview him about. And the whole thing is about our identity in Christ, who we are. Because when we, you know, instead of listening to the enemy tell us who we, are you tell the enemy who you are in Christ. You remind him. That he's got to shut up. He can't come against you because you are a son of the king, a daughter of the king. You are forgiven. You're a child of God and that he no longer has any rights to you.

Chris [00:29:36] Hey, if you want to invest in your marriage, what better way than a weekend away? Just the two of you.

Alisa [00:29:41] Oh exactly, research shows that couples who intentionally set aside time for this are far more likely to stay connected and avoid drifting apart.

Chris [00:29:51] Yeah, that's why we love Family Life's Weekend to Remember. Hey, it's coming up in Monterey, California, and it's three days of powerful biblical teaching, practical tools, and quality time with your spouse.

Alisa [00:30:03] Plus, I mean, come on, it's Monterey, California. Beautiful views, great food, and just a beautiful space to really focus on just each other.

Chris [00:30:13] Yeah, we'll be there speaking and we'd love for you to join us.

Alisa [00:30:16] All of that info is in the details of the show notes, so don't miss it, come and join us. When you think about the spiritual attack in this, one place I'd love to think about and maybe delve a little bit more into is this aspect of soul ties. Okay, which tends to spiritual, or excuse me, sexual intimacy with someone you're not married to.

Chris [00:30:46] Yeah, let's talk about that. So Lisa, this notion then of soul tie, right? Kind of a newer phrase, I guess, that simply means there is something, when God designed sex within marriage, He knew what it would do, and that is it creates a bond. But this bond is not just this physical picture. You know, of two becoming one. Two becoming one means literally our brains start to become in sync, our emotions, you know lots of different things. And I think the question that some people ask is, well does that mean now the word you use soul tie, that our souls are now forever bound together and so if I break up with this person, Uh, how am I going to function now with part of my soul someplace else?

Alisa [00:31:48] Well, yeah, I don't think we can deny the fact that when sexual intimacy takes place, like you said, it's not just physical, but there's a spiritual transaction that happens. And when those bonds us together in a certain way, that when those bond become misaligned with God's design. It can really result in emotional lingering, emotional attachments, even if you're no longer together. Emotional confusion, I think it just creates a difficulty in moving on because there was something that went on there that on a spiritual level that we take with us even after we're no longer. In relationship together. And so some people would refer to that as a soul tie. You know, I don't know, there's a lot of thoughts about that one way or the other. But I would think one thing we wanna keep in mind is any kind of sin can create a spiritual transaction. And sexual sin is no different. And so one of the really practical ways to deal with that, if sexual sin has been part of your past, and you're feeling like it can keep us feeling stuck where Satan still has a foothold in that area. That's a great word, a foorthold in there. And so one of the best ways to respond to that as a Christian in that next step is when you come to the Lord to deal with that, that sin issue and that particular sin issue. Is I think you want to take a couple of steps. The first thing is to confess that sin before the Lord. To admit confession is just saying, this does not align with your design. Any sin is an act of rebellion against you, God. And I just confess that that's been part of my behavior. And I don't like that. I don't want it to be part of my story anymore, my identity. I don't want that, Lord. And I acknowledge that it's gone against your plan. And so I confess that, Lord, I agree with you that it, that it is wrong, that I messed up. And Lord, I want to ask for your forgiveness. And so you ask for forgiveness. And the next step for that is not asking, not only asking the Lord's forgiveness, but then it's renouncing any, agreements or rights or attachments, it is given the enemy to have that foothold in you, right? When we act of a sin, that gives the enemy the right to enter in in that particular area of our soul. And so we confess it, but then we also do the act of, in the name of Jesus, I renounce the sin of lust. I renounced the sin of sexual impurity, I renounce that sin and agree that it goes against God's design. And in the name of Jesus, I cancel any rights that that has given the enemy to me. I cancel agreements that it has caused between me and the enemy. I cancel that and break that. I break any ties that binds me to the enemy in any way because of that sin. I renounce it. I cut those ties and I also, I want to, in the name of Jesus, extend forgiveness to that person. I've asked the Lord's forgiveness and I am extending forgiveness to the person because unforgiveness is the number one doorway into spiritual attack and spiritual influence of the enemy. Unforgiveness. And so it's important that you also go through an act of extending forgiveness to the other person and then trusting the Lord. Lord you have said that if we confess our sins that you're faithful and just forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So Lord I'm taking you at your word and I'm telling you thank you and faith and I receive your forgiveness. And Lord, I invite you to do your act of healing. In my life because of your forgiveness. And so that effectively breaks that soul tie and to literally pray through that. And maybe you might wanna pray through that and get the help and the support, spiritual support of a mentor, of a pastor, of someone that maybe does work in deep healing prayer in that way. And cut those silk ties, in a sense. So that you've really been done that deep work of renouncing your sin, renouning the enemy's right to you, cutting that, breaking that, and then accepting, acknowledging and accepting the Lord's forgiveness, and then agreeing with the Lord to walk in that new freedom. Not only, that's the thing is that Christ's forgiveness not only brings forgiveness, but it brings freedom now. You're no longer bound by the chains of sin and unforgiveness and shame and regret. Those things are cut loose from you and then you truly experience that freedom in Christ.

Chris [00:37:39] Yeah, that's a great word, Lise. Yeah, I couldn't add anything to that. Tiny little point, of course, we don't have to go to the other person and ask for forgiveness. We can do that on our own between us and God, especially if the other is maybe toxic or not part of your life or you don't see anymore, right? It's-

Alisa [00:38:04] What about if they're not toxic? Because that's a great point. What about they're toxic? It just, you experienced a breakup, you realize you're not a good match, but maybe you recognize that part of that illicit sexual intimacy hurt the other person. That my actions have hurt them. Do you think?

Chris [00:38:23] I think it just depends on the relationship, you know, what it is, where you're at now, how long ago this occurred. You know, you certainly wouldn't want to go look them up on Facebook now.

Alisa [00:38:35] Remember me?

Chris [00:38:36] Yeah, so instead I think that that has to be navigated and can be naviged again the same way any sin can is when we when we expel the enemy right through what Jesus has done on the cross as you just covered so nicely and I think I think the key word in all of that least is as you said two words foothold and freedom. Uh, and we, we need freedom from those footholds that the enemy may have. And then you add in forgiveness. This is where you must also recognize what we talked about earlier, that forgiveness is there, it isn't conditional and it is given and therefore, um, any now foothold is the result. Of our enemy attempting to disrupt your relationship and your identity. And you have to bring that to the forefront.

Alisa [00:39:39] That what you did is not who you are in Christ and always remember that because God brings that element with forgiveness of newness, restoration and a new story for you going forward and even can use it as a testimony and repurpose that testimony where you're speaking out and helping other people.

Chris [00:40:02] Who have gone through this. Yeah, and what you're gonna say is, I am not damaged. I am loved. I am not broken. Broken. I am whole. And so that could be part clearly of a great testimony. Well, at least any final takeaways that you would have or any other thoughts that you say. You know, we talked about confess. You know. And what that means, we talk about, you know, that shame causes hiding and to be careful of that. Anything else?

Alisa [00:40:38] Yeah, I think for those that, if this has been your story, part of your story part of your experience, I'd love to close with this quote. And it's that if you've had sex before marriage and you feel burdened by shame, know this, God's mercy is deeper than your mistake. His grace is bigger than your regret. And his love is already running toward you. Redemption isn't just possible, it's promised. That's huge.

Chris [00:41:13] Man, I think we're in the end right there

Alisa [00:41:15] Okay.

Chris [00:41:16] Thank you all for joining us on this important, sensitive, sometimes hard topic. But right there, at least, I think is a great summary.

Alisa [00:41:27] Yeah, and as a close too, we just want to make sure that our viewers, our listeners know that here part of the art of relationships is sponsored by the Center for Marriage and Relationships at Biola University. And here at our center, we actually have something called free relationship advice. And if you feel stuck in shame because of your sexual past and you need to talk to somebody. You need help. Call us. Set an appointment. We can do it by Zoom anywhere in the country, actually anywhere in the world, and you can talk with a trusted, trained, professional Christian that can walk this journey with you, that can give you some objective outside perspective, that can pray with you that can recall God's promises to you and remind you who you are in Christ.

Chris [00:42:22] Yeah, and we also have an amazing referral network of well-trusted, well-vetted, not just therapists but marriage mentors and others throughout the country and the world.

Alisa [00:42:34] Pastoral caring counselor.

Chris [00:42:36] And so if for whatever reason, you'd rather talk to someone closer or nearby, we have that available too. So just check us out at cmr.biola.edu for those resources, for that resource, and for other things that you can find on our website.

Alisa [00:42:54] So we'll see you next time on the art.

Mandy [00:42:56] Relationships. Okay, bye-bye. We're very glad you joined us for today's podcast. For more resources on marriage and healthy relationships, please visit our website at cmr.biola.edu. We'll see you next time on The Art of Relationships.