Navigating Holiday Stress: Balancing Busyness, Expectations, and Joy

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In this episode, Chris and Alisa Grace explore managing holiday stress, balancing busyness, expectations, and finding joy. They discuss practical tips for setting realistic expectations, planning ahead, navigating family dynamics, and staying emotionally connected during this busy season. With insights on how to prioritize relationships, manage stress, and align your heart with God's perspective, this episode provides helpful strategies for a more peaceful and meaningful holiday experience. Whether you're navigating relationships with family, friends, or significant others, you'll find valuable advice to improve your connections this holiday season.

Resources Mentioned:

• Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel by Jonathon Gibson - A liturgy for worship through Advent and Epiphany. Amazon Link
• Oh Come, Let Us Adore Him by Paul David Tripp - A devotional to prepare your heart for Christmas. Amazon Link
• The Christmas We Didn't Expect by David Mathis - Reflections on the surprising story of Christmas. Amazon Link
• 10 Bible Verses for Anxiety (Download) - Scriptures to meditate on for peace during stressful times.
• Marriage Conference Information - Learn about upcoming conferences to strengthen your relationships.

Connect with Us:

• Website: cmr.biola.edu
• Facebook: facebook.com/biolacmr
• Instagram: instagram.com/biolacmr
• YouTube: www.youtube.com/@biola-cmr

Join the Conversation:

• Subscribe to The Art of Relationships Podcast to never miss an episode.
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About the Hosts: Chris Grace, Ph.D., and Alisa Grace are passionate about helping people build and sustain healthy relationships. As leaders of the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships, they combine the wisdom of Scripture with scholarly research to offer practical advice and insights. Learn more about their work at cmr.biola.edu.

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Chris [00:00:00] Hey, friends, as the year comes to a close, we want to invite you to join us in fueling the future of healthy Christ centered relationships.

 

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Alisa [00:01:05] So your generosity, as you know, is tax deductible, and it equips us to continue providing timeless biblical wisdom and innovative tools to a world that so desperately needs Christ centered relationships.

 

Chris [00:01:19] So join us in bringing Christ's healing love to more relationships this holiday season. You can visit us at cmr.biola.edu today to make your monthly gift.

 

Alisa [00:01:29] Yeah. Together we can strengthen marriages, restore hope, and build a thriving future.

 

Chris [00:01:36] Hey, thanks for partnering with us and for being part of this mission to transform lives.

 

Mandy [00:01:42] Welcome to the Art of Relationships. This podcast is produced by the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships. Let's get right into it.

 

Chris [00:01:52] Well, welcome to another Our Relationships podcast. I'm Chris co-host.

 

Alisa [00:01:57] And I'm Lisa Grace, and we are the co-directors of the Center for Marriage and Relationships here at Biola University. And the hosts of the Art of Relationships.

 

Chris [00:02:07] Yeah. So thanks, everyone, for listening in. Lisa We're coming up to a season of the holidays, which are always awesome and fun. One of the things that I think happens in a lot of relationships is there's so much happening. There's so much going on in people's lives, family work, even school. It all kind of, you know, finals week coincides with events. And then we have this notion that, it's going to be awesome, it's going to be fun. This is going to be, you know, this relaxing thing, kind of like it used to be, you know, maybe in childhood, right? You just kind of wake up one morning and it's Christmas. But now with the Donald Hood, we're like, Man, we have to do a lot to make all of these fun things happen.

 

Alisa [00:02:57] It makes you appreciate your parents.

 

Chris [00:02:59] Like it really does. One of the side effects that maybe we should talk about, the consequences on relationships would be stress, not enough time or family dynamics, you know, that come into play on just there's just too many people who you have to please or you have to get gifts for whatever it is. So, Lisa, maybe we ought to talk a little bit today about how do we process and handle and deal with things like holiday stress. Beautiful, wonderful time of the year. You know, we want to pause and say, you know, this is this is awesome. This you know, the the reason for this season. We know that it's it's Jesus, right? That's the reason we do this. On the other hand, it can bring up a lot of things that make us feel stressed out. So please, let's talk about it and how it works.

 

Alisa [00:04:02] Yeah, well, I think you touched on a lot of reasons why we have stress. Right. And I think another one that we have to deal with or that a lot of people may be dealing with could be when we touched on this on a previous program, in fact, you can look at some previous episodes about navigating loss during the holidays. If you've experienced a loss like a family member, that can really exacerbate the stress that you're feeling. And and that can cause some tension right here, right in between you and your your other family members or friends.

 

Chris [00:04:38] Yeah, it can it can also be really impacted our holidays by someone that's maybe not doing well, someone that's sick. Right. There's a lot of caregiving times in which, man, we're just overwhelmed with taking care of someone and then we add on these other stressors.

 

Alisa [00:04:59] Yeah. And I think another one would be sometimes unrealistic expectations, right? We I think especially as a mom, I have an idea of I just have an idea of what I want the Christmas experience to be like, you know, for our family, for our kids, for our friends. When they come, if they're coming for dinner, there's there's like a whole experience I have in mine. And I've spent like a whole month planning not just the day before that week of I spent literally a whole month thinking through what's the menu going to be? What's the decor going to be? Where do I pick all this? And and I just find that I can get stressed out and I can be not very pleasant to live with because of the stress. Yeah. Don't you be looking like that just because I have such high expectations of what a wonderful, festive, meaningful time that it could be, that that may be to a point that it's unrealistic. And I've really got to check myself and be okay with with things being not quite perfect.

 

Chris [00:06:07] Yeah. And I think some of the stress can come in when people are different in that way, right? You're the one that plans and likes to have things. I'm the one that has button Christmas presents for my family members at 7-Eleven at 10:00 on Christmas Eve because the first of all is only store open. And I'm like, Man, I got to go get something and I only find it, you know, like I go to a thankfully they have truck stops not far away. You can go to a truck stop. They have everything and.

 

Alisa [00:06:32] I think is lying or making this up. But it's true. We've done that before.

 

Chris [00:06:37] No. And it can drive it can drive people crazy because you like to plan. I'm like, hey, let's just get up in the morning and, you know, we'll get some fast food. You're like, Let's see, it's all closed. So I think we're just different in that way. People are, you know, one issue that constantly comes to mind, I think, when it comes to you and others, at least there's an amazing story about control as the issue that is when people feel out of control, they don't feel like they have enough time, they don't have feel like they have enough, you know, resources, whatever it is. Yeah, it can be a problem. So check this out. Researchers were doing some work with some rats one time, and what they did is they stressed these rats out. You know, they called them names. They said, you're not you have a, you know, skinny tail. Your ears aren't as pointy as the other one. Your fur is messed up. So they stressed them out using actually it was kind of even worse and that they shocked them a little bit and they they didn't like it. So what they did, though, which is fascinating, that none of the rats were harmed in this video. But what they did do was they hooked him up to a little tiny shock generator and it delivered a small shock and they didn't like it. And so what it did was they would also, you know, just randomly shock these rats at weird times. Well, what would happen was stress like that caused them to pour out all of these stress hormones. They and and if left that way, they would begin to develop things like stomach ulcers. Right? And they would begin to develop other negative signs of being stressed out. So but they found out something very interesting in this study. Again, they treated these animals humanely. And so everything was done well. But nonetheless, those that were getting shocked, if they had two things going for them. First of all, if they had any predictability of what was coming up, this is going to be an important word we're going to use and talk about how can I make this more predictable? So here's what they found. Rap they can see and know, I can predict when the shock is coming because a light turns on and it tells me they seem to do better. In fact, they did way better when it came to physiological measures than the rats that were just randomly done. It's almost like I could predict this. That's fine. But a third group did even better have rats with no control or predictability, rats with predictability. And then they gave a third group the same shock stimulus, the same light. Turning on, saying it's about to get shock. But a third group of rats were giving the ability to control the stimulus. That is, they would see the light turn on. They had 10s and they were about to get shocked. So they hooked all three up to the same thing. Now, remember, rat number one has no ability whatsoever to control this rat. Number two can at least predict it. But the third rat that can predict it and control it by turning it off actually did just fine and in fact, didn't have any of the problems, even though the rat number one was also not getting shocked. It still developed all of these issues because it didn't have control. Okay, Great study. Look it up. Rats in control and predictability. Lisa, I think when it comes to the holiday season, if we can take something away from it, it would be this. What can we have under our control that allows us to deal with upcoming stress? So I think so. So, for example, I think the takeaway is if we have the ability to control, for example, small things in life when it comes to this, we'll do a lot better off. So these expectations, timing some some have gone so far as to say when they did this study with humans, least that those that were in a nursing home did better if they were allowed the opportunity to say when guests got to come and visit. So you have these nursing homes, you have older people there, and then they would say to them, to different groups, hey, there's guests coming. Young people from wherever or, you know, family members or others to come. And they're going to come tomorrow at 2:00. And they did great, by the way. They their their health measures were were great because they liked having guests. But the health measures of those who could control the time that guests came did better. So they were just said, hey, what's a good time for you? And they say, you know what, Tomorrow I would like them to come around 8 a.m. or 9 a.m. because that's when I'm awake and I do my best. I like for them. And they had control. And it's amazingly their health measures were even better, even longevity, living longer with that. So let's let's talk about what we can draw from things like that when it comes to predictability and control, because there are some habits and some things we can build in right now that would allow that. And I think, Lisa, for us, who would say to, let's say, family coming over, hey, what works better for you guys? And if we said, let's do 2:00 and we just simply told them, everybody show up at two, not and that's fine. They can predict that. Know that. But if we said, hey, what would be work best for you? I remember you did that one time recently. And our kids, you know, that's right in the middle of so-and-so's nap time. Could we make it instead at three?

 

Alisa [00:12:27] Can negotiate.

 

Chris [00:12:28] And she could wake up. It gave them control and it just simply meant for a better holiday for everybody. Yeah. So, Lisa, once you start thinking about stress and tips, there are some things I know that you've been thinking about, about stress and holidays. You mentioned expectations and dealing with those.

 

Alisa [00:12:47] And just navigating your expectations. But I think another one that's really helpful is to plan ahead. Yeah, a lot of people are really spontaneous and do well with that. But it's really going to go a whole lot more so that you can leave some details to spontaneity. You don't want to be so structured that you're just rigid and inflexible. But in general, have a plan. And so calendar yet think like here we are at the beginning of December, mid-December. Start thinking early in the month. What do I want my December to look like? What do we have going on? Who's coming into town? Who has a Christmas program that we need to be at? Who's who are we hosting? What are we hosting? Is it Christmas dinner? Is it a holiday party for the staff? But anyway, get your calendar out and actually put those things on the calendar. And then when you do that, lists are your friend. Yeah. Boy lists are my friend if I don't write it down. It goes in one ear and out the other. I mean, one side of my brain and out the other. And so I've learned that making lists is really helpful. So I think that's even anything from the decor, the menu, the the gifts that we're giving. And and a big part of that, too, is planning. What's our budget? Yeah. I mean, money is a huge issue when it comes to holidays, especially something like Christmas.

 

Chris [00:14:16] Yeah, I think that's right. And I'll I'll say for those that don't keep lists, one of the things you can do is find your friends or your partners list and then add things to it that you want to happen. And then I.

 

Alisa [00:14:29] Thought the handwriting look familiar.

 

Chris [00:14:32] Like, make sure you give your husband this or hey, find your friend that at least. So so what you're saying is lists provide you with this feeling of control? Yeah, I think that's what it is. You begin to have this control. By the way, this isn't a commercial, but I do feel important right now about. I just. This is your room.

 

Alisa [00:14:56] The Dodgers and Dodgers, Of course.

 

Chris [00:14:59] So we have control with. With how we can set things up. And what you're saying, Lisa, I think, is great. It's providing the opportunity of a list that helps you kind of plan your day, know what's happening, and it helps non planners like me to go. Lisa, can you just tell me what's on your list today, you know, and help me out? When it comes to one other issue that a lot of people listeners might be facing is younger married couples or those that are engaged or dating also have to share family. Right. So, you know, our assistant, you know, and workers around here that provide all of these wonderful things like this room and this Art of Relationships podcast. I'm thinking of Tatum, specifically our marketing director, newly married, right? The she now has family in one location that she grows up with, wants to spend time with, and then her new husband are her, you know, fiance, whatever, has a different place. How do you navigate and manage those? And it's about expectations, isn't it?

 

Alisa [00:16:02] It is. And it's about to sit down and actually have a conversation about those expectations, because the problem with them is that the conflict happens when those those expectations go unmet. And oftentimes we don't even know that we have a certain expectation.

 

Chris [00:16:18] So what do you do.

 

Alisa [00:16:19] Until it goes unmet? Yeah.

 

Chris [00:16:21] So what what should you do at that?

 

Alisa [00:16:22] So I mean, that's part of that planning ahead. Part of that has to be a conversation where you sit down and say, Hey, Chris, let's sit down and let's look at December. Let's look at what do we want our month to look like because there's a lot of pulls on our time, our attention, our money. And so let's just talk about what would it look like to have for Christmas to be really special and meaningful to you? Tell me a little bit about what that looks like and sounds like, too.

 

Chris [00:16:49] You know, that's great. I remember, you know, newly married were going to different homes and spending because one family's in Colorado, another one's in Texas. But even then, I remember, Lisa, this expectation I had when we'd go to your family's home, it was awesome. It was fun to see see everybody. But we had a different set of expectations even then that we had to work through. You remember? Yeah, Mine was I would kind of be part of everything, of course. But then all of a sudden I started to feel like, Wow, you finally are with your a sister. You know, you're with your nieces and nephews, you with your mom and dad and you with friends. And pretty soon I started to feel left out because I wasn't part of the I don't know, some of the conversations, the shopping, the, you know, going back day after Christmas and doing everything. And we had to sit there and talk about, wait a minute, hold on here. You're spending a lot of time with your sister. You're spending a lot of time with your, you know, niece and nephew. And that's fun. And I wanted that. But it also we had to deal with. Yeah, but I'm feeling left out a little bit if you remember that or not.

 

Alisa [00:18:05] Yeah. Well, it wasn't your home. It wasn't your family of origin and you didn't feel as comfortable. And so I really had to check myself and work in space in there to make sure that we were staying connected. Yeah. And then you really worked hard to give me the freedom to spend time, like, one on one with my sister. Yeah. And, you know, because that was important to me too. That was part of my expectations. But we we had a lot of conflict over that, if you remember, until we actually sat down and and talked about those expectations before we went.

 

Chris [00:18:40] Yeah. And then making adjustments once you're there, I think that's the key least dealing with expectations and you I think checking yourself. Also check yourself.

 

Alisa [00:18:51] You rest yourself.

 

Chris [00:18:53] So at least when when you have these other families, when you have the people coming over and lots of other things, there are some some other tips that we've kind of developed that we think would be helpful. Give us another one that you would say has been really helpful for you and for people.

 

Alisa [00:19:14] Yeah. Well, especially this year, because it was an election year. Boy, politics can be a hot topic. And anything that has to do with politics and the policies. And so one of the that can really generate stress, especially if you have some very opinionated people in your family, that that's all they want to talk about. That's all they watch on TV are the, you know, the news programs that appeal to their particular political view. Yeah. And so and it could be anything else, really. A anything that's a hot topic. One thing that we did, we recently had a family member that had a birthday right before the presidential election in November. And one of the things that she did is in our group chat about the birthday dinner that we were going to have the next day, she specifically asked, could we please not even talk about politics during our time together? I would consider this to be a very meaningful birthday gift. Since I'm the birthday girl I get to, I get to name that. And so we all knew. You know what? Let's just leave that off the table. We have so much more we can talk about. Yeah. And but inevitably, Chris, there's always going to be that one friend, that one relative that brings it up. Right? We've. We've been there. And as soon as they do, you just you've just feel that collective. You're like, please don't go. It's the last thing I want to talk about. And so it may be good to to have that conversation with family and friends before you get there. Hey, these are the topics that are off limits while we are all together. And if somebody happens to bring it up and maybe crossed that line, one of the things that you can do is actually redirect the conversation and say something like, you know what? I would I think I'd much rather talk about you and tell me what some a new project that you've got going on at work was a book that you're working on. Chris or, you know, Hey, well, looking back over this last year, what's like one of your favorite memories that you want to hang on to the you don't ever want to forget? And just gently redirect that because you know what? People love to talk about themselves. Yeah. And so use that opportunity to kind of turn the conversation.

 

Chris [00:21:38] Yeah. You know, I think that's great advice. One thing I did was I disinvited them from being my child. And I said, you know what? It's time that maybe you look into adoption. And they said, But I'm old. And I said, Well, that's even better than because the adopted people don't have to pay so much. And that didn't go very well. So I yeah, I said, Well, okay then you're not invited to any family events anymore.

 

Alisa [00:22:02] Did not.

 

Chris [00:22:03] I know? Okay. We're going to talk about some other things right quick. Hey friends, exciting news are heart and soul. Marriage conferences for 2025 are now open for book.

 

Alisa [00:22:17] Hey, that's right. These transformative two day events are designed to strengthen marriages and bring couples closer together. So, hey, just a heads up. Our spring calendar is already filled up and we are booking into the fall, so don't wait.

 

Chris [00:22:32] Yeah. So if you're interested in hosting a conference at your church or if you'd like more information, we'd love to hear from you.

 

Alisa [00:22:38] Just email us at cmr.biola.edu And hey, don't miss this chance to invest in the marriages in your community.

 

Chris [00:22:47] Yeah, Let's make 2025 a year of stronger, healthier relationships. Hey, we can't wait to see you there. Solicit these ideas of what stress does and setting good expectations, communication ribe making sure that we very different things so that when things happen, we can we can be flexible. Maybe that's a big word to flexibility during times like this. Lisa There are another thing I think. Let's get back to one other issues as we talk about maybe some tips on, you know, handling stress during times like this. There's one other issue I think that some people do when they get stressed out that can be a real threat to any relationship is stress can make some people almost emotionally distance themselves. Right. We see this, you know, with some people, you could tell they're a little bit stressed when they come over or when you're hanging, you know, or even with us. There are times in which it's just like, I just need some emotional distance from people. Well, it becomes a problem in relationships when when distancing because of stress, it can push couples and people apart. And I think that's that's a really important variable to think about. How do you respond to stress? Check out it and what makes you stressful and then what's your response? You and I have had to work through things like, well, every once in a while when when let's say I get stressed, my go to is I go to sleep. Right. And I don't know why you're like, okay, I'm going to go to sleep. And, you know, I wake up and I don't feel a stress, but things might still be chaotic. Others push your way more emotionally. So, Lisa, when that happens, I mean, there's I think a couple of things that really need to be done. One is to go, okay, I am stressed. What's happening with me? What is the stress or is it that I don't feel control? Is it that I just can't predict things? Is it that. And so, you know, we were talking about the family, you know, visiting different family. And I remember just going, well, I guess it's because I don't feel part of your world anymore. So one thing that I would suggest that we kind of touched on is making sure you understand and deal with the emotions that are going on in your heart and not just talk about things like what's this and how are we going to prepare for that and who's coming and what do you need right now? But it's also diving a little deeper. Isn't that when when we would say, I need to keep letting you in? If you find yourself emotionally distancing from a spouse, from a loved one, you might want to start checking. What can I do? What's happening with me? Why is this true? And then have that conversation. Because I Lisa, I do think that our best times weren't during the non stressful times. It was actually during the stressful times when we dealt with issues and talked about it and found time to let each other in. And so we had to be very careful during this time that we don't always avoid and not we're we don't worry about. It's not like politics. Like let me tell you what I believe and why. But but it can be like, here's what I worry about. Here's what I fear. And then being able to listen and hope to be able to talk with someone that you're emotionally, you know, maybe distancing yourself from to try and bridge that distance like that.

 

Alisa [00:26:33] Because really it's agreeing to, hey, we are a team, we're on the same team and I've got your back, you've got my back. So let's approach it from that mindset, from that heart posture. And I think that goes a long way when you have that kind of mindset to being able to work together, to negotiate, to compromise, to be willing to see the other person's and interests and their expectations, and working hard to make that dream happen for you and you doing that for me. Because when you feel like, they've got my back, you understand me, you get me, you value me, you appreciate me, you balance me out. And we're iron sharpening iron. But we're also really facing this together, shoulder to shoulder. And boy, when I feel like that, I feel like we can do anything.

 

Chris [00:27:31] Yeah, I think you're right, Lisa. And there are some couples that are struggling in this area, right? There's this slow kind of burn. And what it does is it's this distance starts to increase. And so I would say during stressful times, really, one of the things you can do begin to identify what is this trigger. But use that to also go what's going on in my heart with this and then start creating time to, like you said, listen to another person and say, all right, listen, I'm stressed out. I know you're stressed out. Can I just get a peek into your heart right now? I just want to listen what's happening? And now because we could big we have big disagreements about, you know, things like how do you set up for a party? How do you have people coming? Or I'm like, who cares? Paper plates and, you know, whatever. In the refrigerator. We've got some pickles we can throw out for, you know, appetizers. And so it's very it's just that, hey, I remember listening, you know, one time to you, I didn't agree, but just being able to hear you was like, okay, so you really wanted to look this way and feel good about it. I really don't care. You know what? I could I can make that happen a little bit better. I can shower this week, you know, I can, you know, clean the room, I can get ready and help you in that way. And then you oftentimes say, Chris, just use this for you. Go go away for a couple of hours if you need to. Now go, go take a nap. Get out of my hair. So, Lisa, there are some other things you can do. I think as you prepare and think about this one, I think that you've talked about before is just that time that you can use to prepare your heart as a time like, Lord, use this time for me and help me. But you got to start with was doing that talking to to the Lord about this and yeah. And even preparing your heart.

 

Alisa [00:29:28] Yeah. It's really takes I think it's that daily commitment to spending time with the Lord. And I, you know, some people like to do that in the morning, some in the evening when they're more awake. But for me, what works for me is to do it the first thing in the morning. Maybe I've got to get up about 15, 20, 30 minutes earlier before when I need to really start going for me. Actually, I, I try to schedule in a whole hour if I can, because for me that sets the tone for the rest of the day. It really helps me align my heart with the Lord's and to get on the same page as Him. And because before I can be a teammate with you, I've got to be a teammate with the Lord and find out what Lord, what's your perspective on this? What do you want to say about this? Is there something at work that you need to do in my heart to let go of these really kind of unrealistic expectations of the event or of my family? Lord, I don't want to be an ogre to live with, but I want to create something special, meaningful. So where do I find that balance? And I need the examination of your word of your spirit going on in my heart. And so if I do that in the morning and I just grab my cup of coffee, I don't even look at my phone. I don't even look at my phone, text, nothing. I just get my cup of coffee, I get my devotional and I get my Bible and I just start with the Lord and Lord, what do you want to say to me today? How do you want to align my heart with yours? Where do I Why do I need to let go of what do I need to build in? You know? And then just taking time to sit and be quiet and listen. And so one of the things I want to do that we want to do for our listeners, for our viewers, is I asked some friends, what are some Christmas devotionals that you really love? And so we're going to put a link to that in the show notes today for this particular episode, and we'll have that on there in the link so that you can go and check that out. But to start that and get that in place really impacts the way the rest of the day plays out. Because if I'm not spending time with the Lord, I'm much more snippy and much more selfish and much more unrealistic. But when I've spent time with him and I've really let his presence and his words soak into my soul, that's when I'm much more willing to to be giving, to do it somebody else's way, to put their interests ahead of my own, to be forgiving, to be quicker, to ask for forgiveness and, you know, really admit when I messed that up. And I really wish I would have said that differently. So that time with the Lord for me is absolutely key. That's that's got to come first between everything before everything else.

 

Chris [00:32:34] So at least in a busy world, whether it's your you're taking exams or whether you are have have young kids in the home, whether you're the you're older and you have older kids, you know, nonetheless, it's still a busy time. So what you're saying is carve that Make that a. Already. You know, one way you could do that too. I think that works for a lot of people is they combine that with other things that are real helpful during a stressful time, like a walk, you know, or exercise. You know, I remember so many times you're like, you know, you would go. Exercise or walking. You would have, you know, your headphones on, your earbuds, your AirPods, in listening to something that would bring you, you know, closer or.

 

Alisa [00:33:19] My soul.

 

Chris [00:33:20] You know, feed your soul. And so sometimes for people that are busy, for me, oftentimes it's, let's say, driving or being in a quiet place where it just is easier for me that way. Like you said, to find find that I can feel like it's feeding my soul and at the same time I can combine, you know, something that I have to be doing with that. So, Lisa, I think as we talk to and wrap this up about dealing with holidays, dealing with, you know, the stress, the we talked about things like making sure it's that you do have time with the Lord, first of all, that you do have times to set and talk about expectations, right? That you do open up and use this as a time to really go deep. Lord what are you telling me during this time? Those can be beneficial times where God really does work. We talked about expectations and control.

 

Alisa [00:34:18] And planning and.

 

Chris [00:34:19] Yeah, and.

 

Alisa [00:34:20] Having a budget, watching your spending stay plan every dollar and then stay on that budget.

 

Chris [00:34:26] Yeah, I guess a final word would be it. It's not just the holidays. Any time it can be stressful and we can, you know, be dealing with these kinds of things at any time of the year, especially now, of course. But it really isn't. The fact that we are stressed isn't the fact that things are difficult. We all have family members, we all have friends, we have relationships that, you know, we don't necessarily feel like we're functioning very well together, but it's how we respond to that. It's how we prepare for it. And and, you know, you could take the most stressed out people in the world and think about Mother Teresa, you know, and people that give, you know, all day long to people and those that are hurting and and they still thrive in who they are because I think they have a solid place that they're starting with. And you don't have to struggle. You don't have to go off this deep end. But there are just some important things to get into place before this all happens.

 

Alisa [00:35:28] And I think just a closing thought before we wrap it up, If there was one question that you can ask every day that could change the whole tenor of your relationships, whether it's marriage, whether it's with your kids, your in-laws, your friends, if there was one question that I would recommend, it's to ask this. How can I help you today? How can I help you today? You know? You know, I tried to do that. You ran out the door this morning getting ready for class, and you're grabbing your. Your backpack. You're getting all your materials, and. And I hear you coming down the hall, and I just, like I say, okay, what can I do to help you?

 

Chris [00:36:07] You know.

 

Alisa [00:36:08] How can I help?

 

Chris [00:36:09] Yep.

 

Alisa [00:36:10] And when you do that, it really communicates to the other person. You know what? Hey, I've got your back, and we're on the same team, and we can handle this together. You're not alone. You don't have to do it by yourself. I'm here to help. How can I help you?

 

Chris [00:36:24] Man, it's great. And it's great to be asked that. You know, you can do this with our kids. You can do this with your roommates. Hey, what's one thing I could do today to make it? Just to make it better for you? Is there anything I can do today? And that that that right there is just a great little simple thing that we.

 

Alisa [00:36:40] Can be doing, even if there's not something that they could actually do. Just the fact that you asked.

 

Chris [00:36:46] You know.

 

Alisa [00:36:47] Means the world.

 

Chris [00:36:48] Yeah. No, thank you. You know, you asked and then I just said, do you mind changing the oil on my jeep and then tuning it up and you're like, you got you.

 

Alisa [00:36:56] Handed me your L.A. Dodgers Cup and had me fill it out.

 

Chris [00:37:00] Is that what I did? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So thank you for doing that. That was awesome. Well, I love this time of the year and I know our listeners and viewers do as well. And we hope that these little things can help make it better. If you have questions still, go to our Web site. cmr.biola.edu least there's some other resources we have. Great. There's ten great Bible verses that I think about that I've listed that have helped, you know, be anxious for nothing and everything in prayer. The Lord will surround you and He protects you. There's so many that come to mind. And one of the things that I frequently do will pull up these ten verses, you know, and I just feel anxious or stressed that talk about how he is for us, not against us and turning to him during times like this. So we'll find those favorite verses that you have, post them nearby, take time in the morning, like you said, connect with the Lord and then deal with some of these other little things. But check it out. We have other resources out there for you.

 

Alisa [00:38:03] Yeah. So thanks for joining us today on The Art of Relationships. We would love it if you gave us a five star rating. That really does help us and maybe share this with a friend or family member that you think it would be helpful. And so next time, yeah.

 

Chris [00:38:19] And if it's not five stars, make it five zeros at the end of a number and send it to us. That would also work. We use Val Zelle. Venmo absolutely checks out cashier's checks. Pesos, dollars.

 

Alisa [00:38:34] Merry Christmas, everybody.

 

Chris [00:38:36] We're just teasing.

 

Alisa [00:38:37] Merry Christmas.

 

Chris [00:38:38] Hi.

 

Mandy [00:38:41] We're very glad you joined us for today's podcast. For more resources on marriage and healthy relationships, please visit our website at cmr.biola.edu. We'll see you next time on the Art of Relationships.