The Marriage Meet Up: Keeping the A.H.A. in Your Love

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. – Colossians 3:14

Have you ever found yourselves in one of these situations in your marriage?

• Arguing over whose career should be a priority? Or realizing that you each thought the other was going to watch the kids?

• Wondering how in the world you are going to get everything done, even if you pull an all-nighter or fuel up with caffeine? 

• Silently resenting the other because you think you are working harder than he is/she is?

• Wishing you could have more God-focused conversations or longing to pray with one another in a meaningful way?

• Drifting apart day after day, year after year, yet with a longing to be a unified, happy, fulfilled couple in love?

• Fearful for the future of your children because home life feels confusing or chaotic?

Perhaps you desire something better than the status quo. Congratulations! You are a top-notch, smart, and wise couple who wants the BEST for your life and love! You are a dedicated couple, and your decision to be proactive will bless and build your marriage, family, and future!

We have seen the power of being proactive in marriage. Our newest book for couples:  Marriage Meet Ups His and Hers 52 week Devotional Planner for Couples that Want More Passion, Purpose and Productivity was written in celebration of our 40th wedding anniversary and has continued to be the “secret sauce” of our steadfast, unified and happy marriage now as we celebrate year 44! We highly recommend this process to you because weekly strategy sessions have kept us on the same page, pulling in the same direction together since we were newlyweds, more than four decades ago!  Our weekly, “Monday Morning Marriage Meeting” has kept the A.H.A. in our marriage. 

  We have used a well-honed and practiced template for our weekly “business meeting for our love” but it was during our “forced hiatus” of Covid that we wrote our plan into a book for you that includes our weekly worksheets, plus the best of the devotional and practical resources we have used to stay connected, in love, and productive!  We have also added many extra resources that have helped us develop a strong family even while living a full, busy, and focused life. We also share the “backstage pass” of helpful hints that keep us laughing, enjoying life and most of all– overcoming obstacles, creatively conquering conflict and tackling tough transitions together!

So, what are the three vital components to keep the A.H.A. in your love?

Attitudes 

Habits

Affirmations

Attitudes: We include in our weekly meeting the attitudes that (1) We are better together and (2) We are better with God at the center. Because of this, we begin and end our Marriage Meet Ups with prayer. We also each bring a verse God has brought across each of our paths and we share these with one another and often pray these verses over one another. 

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus." (Phil 2:5) 

Habits: As a part of the marriage meet up, we must deal with the work-side of life: calendars and schedules, talks of finances and projects and priorities—and of course—the kids! There is a place on the template to track items from week to week, so vital priorities do not fall through the cracks. As a wrap up we each decide who is doing what and we take responsibility for those tasks. One reason this works is we set up a habit of positivity. We decide, then delegate, then we trust our partner to follow through as God leads and we THANK him or her for carrying that part of the load. 

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil." (Eph 5:15-16)

Affirmations: We sandwich the tasks and important conversations between encouragements and affirmations. In the beginning after we pray for each other, we give a word of gratitude and appreciation for something our mate did or an attitude or action he or she expressed in the past week. This sets a more pleasant and positive atmosphere. At the end of our meeting, we also give a positive affirmation or a thank you for something that was said, grace or mercy given DURING the meet up! And to make this meeting one we can both look forward to, we also set the date and time that week for romance and “red hot monogamy”. By placing intimacy as a priority, both a husband and a wife tend to be kinder, gentler, more encouraging. And more co-operative!

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (Proverbs 16:24)

The Payoff

We know that our emotions follow our decisions so part of romancing your spouse is finding a way to make great choices together. We are convinced that couples who have a weekly Marriage Meet Up will:

• Gain insights into how your spouse likes to live — and love.

• Have productive conversations that minimize conflict, lower stress, and raise the enjoyment level of your love and life.

• Make decisions together that maximize emotional, spiritual, and physical connection.

• Improve conversations about money and financial choices.

• Boost productivity so you each get more done at work, home, or ministry.

• Delegate well so things do not fall through the cracks of a busy life.

• Nurture your relationship and create more time for the happy side of marriage, romance, and intimacy.

• Move forward together in unity and create a stable and kind home for your children (and increased joy for your grandchildren)

• Strengthen your spiritual life together as you draw you closer to God and your partner.

• Protect the fun side of marriage and family life with focused problem-solving sessions.

• Avoid burying issues or neglecting vital (but sometimes boring or more volatile) issues.

• Replace negative, dysfunctional patterns with more healthy, positive, and affirming ways of interaction.

• Navigate family, parenting and marriage responsibilities with clarity and appreciation.

• Ensure there is “couple time” even on those difficult or hectic weeks.

• Achieve more goals and foster a personal sense of success.

• Navigate typical life transitions, storms, and obstacles in a more godly manner.

• Develop habits that safeguard your long-lasting lifetime of love.

Are those a few of the desires on your hearts?

God will help you! We have seen these weekly Marriage Meet Ups work well to move couples– including ourselves—forward, upward, and onward toward creating the marriage you have hoped and dreamed of having.

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. –Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers, relationship coaches, and the authors of 59 books, including bestselling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti (over 350,000 sold in English and translated into 15 languages) and Marriage Meet Ups Devotional Planner for Couples Who Want More Passion, Purpose and Productivity. Many extra freebies, (handouts, worksheets, videos, audios) are posted on the Love-Wise Marriage Meet Up page. They make their home on a live-aboard boat docked in southern California.  Bill is a graduate of Talbot School of Theology at Biola University. Learn more about Bill and Pam at Love-Wise.com