For nearly four decades, I’ve served as a professor of psychology and the director of Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships. My work has placed me in counseling centers, classrooms, homes for runaway teens, and even an internship with the criminally insane.

Across all those environments, I have spent my career studying human behavior—how we think, how we relate, how we grow, and yes, how we can break down. And every once in a while, I’ve encountered something that seemed to go beyond the psychological and into the realm of the spiritual.

Understanding the Interplay of the Psychological and the Spiritual

As Christians, we’re called to pay attention to both realities. Not every difficult situation is a spiritual attack—but not every difficult situation is only psychological either. Wisdom is learning to discern the difference.

When I served in homes for severely troubled adolescents, I noticed patterns. Some of the most disturbed individuals displayed symptoms that psychology can readily explain—emotional dysregulation, trauma responses, paranoia, or disorganized thought patterns we sometimes call “word salad.” These are real, diagnosable mental health concerns that deserve compassion and appropriate treatment.

But then, occasionally, something else would surface.

Signs That Something Spiritual May Be Happening

A few indicators caught my attention over the years—not definitive proof, but reasons to pause.

1. A Strong Reaction to the Name of Jesus

Most people—even those in distress—welcome prayer. But a small handful became visibly agitated when Jesus’ name was mentioned. Scripture tells us even demons “believe—and shudder” (James 2:19). It’s unusual, but I’ve seen it.

2. Confused Thought vs. Focused Clarity

Psychotic disorders often manifest as jumbled, illogical thought patterns.
By contrast, individuals possibly experiencing spiritual influence often speak with startling coherence. Their thoughts may be dark or deceptive, but they are unusually clear. That contrast is striking.

3. Access to Hidden Information

On rare occasions, someone seems to know something they shouldn’t.
One friend was part of a group praying for a person suspected of spiritual oppression. When the name of Jesus was spoken, the man snapped back:

“Who are you to use that name? Why don’t you tell your friends what’s under your bed?”

The man had been hiding a deeply secret pornography addiction. No one knew—but this person did.

Could it have been demonic insight? It’s hard to dismiss the possibility.

4. No Response to Medication

Finally, psychological disorders often improve with appropriate medication over time. But when no level of treatment affects a person’s disturbing speech, behavior, or reactions, spiritual influence sometimes becomes a more reasonable category to explore.

Again—none of these are automatic diagnoses.
But they remind us that Scripture’s descriptions of spiritual forces aren’t theoretical. They sometimes intersect with real life.

So What About Marriage? Can Spiritual Opposition Affect a Couple?

Most marital challenges are not spiritual attacks. They are miscommunication, hurt feelings, unhealthy conflict patterns, or unmet expectations—issues every couple encounters.

But sometimes, something deeper begins to surface.

The First Indicator: When a Struggle Becomes a Stronghold

Every couple struggles to forgive at times. That’s part of being human in close relationship.

But there is a difference between struggling to forgive and becoming consumed by bitterness.

When bitterness takes root, Scripture warns it can “defile many” (Heb. 12:15). It can open the door to spiritual vulnerability. A heart that is closed to forgiveness becomes a heart more open to lies:

• “You deserve better.”

• “Your spouse will never change.”

• “Why keep trying?”

Those whispers may sound like your own thoughts—but they can also echo the Enemy’s agenda.

Other Vulnerabilities: Greed, Pride, Comparison

It’s not just unforgiveness that can create spiritual footholds.

When money, validation, status, social media approval, or even the desire for a “better” spouse becomes more central than God, a vacuum is created. Something will fill it.

Jesus described Satan as the father of lies—and lies tend to grow in the soil of discontentment.

How Couples Can Guard Their Hearts

The good news is that spiritual opposition is not something to fear—but something to be aware of. God equips us for these battles.

Here are a few practical steps I encourage couples to take:

1. Keep Your Heart Open to God

You may not be ready to forgive today.
You may not know how to solve the conflict.
But you can keep your heart open to God’s voice.

A heart open to God is a heart closed to the Enemy.

2. Practice Spiritual Disciplines Together

Simple, everyday practices strengthen your spiritual “immune system”:

• Praying together

• Expressing gratitude

• Serving one another

• Reading Scripture

• Releasing offenses quickly

These may seem small, but they anchor you firmly in truth.

3. Pay Attention to the Fruit

Jesus said we can recognize influence—good or evil—by its fruit (Matt. 7:16).

When something leads to:

• humility

• conviction

• reconciliation

• tenderness

• love

• peace

…it’s likely from God.

When something leads to:

• accusation

• division

• secrecy

• contempt

• despair

• obsession

…it’s time to seek spiritual support.

4. Remember Your Marriage Has a Purpose

Francis Schaeffer once wrote that our moments of conflict give us “a golden opportunity” to show the world the power of the gospel.

Jesus said it even more clearly:

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
—John 13:35

Your marriage—imperfect as it is—is a living testimony. The way you conflict, forgive, reconcile, serve, and love has spiritual weight.

A Final Encouragement

Some of the happiest, most grounded people I know live with a deep sense of God-given purpose. They understand that life is not ultimately about self-protection, self-promotion, or self-advancement.

It is about loving God and loving others well.

Your marriage is one of the primary places where that love is formed, refined, tested, and strengthened.

So if you feel a heaviness, a whisper of discouragement, or a pull toward bitterness—don’t panic. But don’t ignore it either. Stay open to God. Stay rooted in His Word. Stay connected to each other.

And remember: the One who calls you is the same One who equips you.