Ask the Expert

Dear CMR,

I've been dating my boyfriend for four months now and think he might be abusive. I was sitting in your Christian Perspectives class and as you described the details of abusive relationships, I realized that I am in one. How could this happen to me without realizing it? I know I need to break up with him, but I'm scared. If I could fall for someone that is abusive once, could I do it again? How do I know if someone is safe before it's too late?

Signed,

Scared to Open Up Again

Dear CMR,

"Recently, I've had to deal with an individual that is difficult, manipulative, and often downright mean. This relationship can be agonizing at times, but shouldn't I turn the other cheek? Isn't that how we're supposed to deal with challenging people?"

Signed,

Turning the Other Cheek

Dear CMR,

My boyfriend and I started dating in February before quarantine. It was lots of fun, so we started doing long distance when COVID hit. We’ve been doing long distance a while now, but he says he's lost energy for the relationship and isn't sure if he wants to continue. Right now we're on a break so we can take a breather, pray about it and think it through. Do you have any advice about “relational burn out” or if this might be a point where we call it off?

Signed,

Long Distance Burnout

Dear CMR,

I have been dating my girlfriend for five years, and I’m getting ready to propose. She has taken out loans to pay for grad school, but I have a nest egg I can use to pay them off now. If we are getting married in 1.5 years, should I pay off her school loan now or wait until we are married?

Signed,

Avoiding Debt

Dear CMR:

I’m the father of a 3-year-old. Neither my wife nor I ever get enough sleep. When our daughter wakes us up in the morning, I try to quietly get her out of the bedroom so my wife can keep sleeping. More often than not, however, my wife spends this time on her phone emailing, texting, and reading news and social media posts. This bugs me. The way I look at it, if one of us can get a little extra sleep, that helps us both. I’m willing to handle the morning routine solo to make that happen. I’m not, however, willing to do it so my wife can get caught up on her work and social life while I fall further behind on mine. But if a gift is a gift—I’m not supposed to say how it gets used, right? Do I have a right to be annoyed here?

—Rather Be Snoozing

Dear CMR:

We’ve been married five years, and we typically communicate well, even during times of conflict. However, we can’t seem to resolve an issue about “dating while married.” I heard on your Art of Relationships podcast that it is important to continue dating, but my spouse thinks it’s no longer necessary, and it’s too expensive. Any suggestions to help us resolve this? 

Signed, 

Done Dating?

Dear CMR,

I have been dating my girlfriend for five years, and I’m getting ready to propose. She has taken out loans to pay for grad school, but I have a nest egg I can use to pay them off now. If we are getting married in 1.5 years, should I pay off her school loan now or wait until we are married?

Signed,

Avoiding Debt

Dear CMR:

My husband and I are in crisis and on the brink of breaking up. We don't want to because we have two kids, but something has to change. What initial steps should we take in mending the relationship?

Signed, Fed Up